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One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn’t believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the dog’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the dog. “Your name is written inside the cover.”
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Q: Who was the greatest financieer in the Bible?
A: Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A: Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A: Ruth-less.
Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A: Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A: David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A: HondA:..because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A: 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: “We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement.”
Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson. He brought the house down.
Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A: In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Q: How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?
A: They were really put out.
Q: What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
A: They really raised Cain.
Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A: Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q: Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A: David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.
Q: Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
A: The thought had never entered his head before.
Q: What do they call pastors in Germany?
A: German Shepherds.
Q: What is the best way to get to Paradise?
A: Turn right and go straight.
Q: Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A: Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments; at once.
Q: Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A: The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q: How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
A: Because in Job 16:12 we read, “I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me.”
Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
If the Bible were written by College Students…
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An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least.
After examining it, he called the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem. “I’ve just discovered a 3,000-year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed. The curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check it out.” A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You were right, about both the mummy’s age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?” “Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that read, ‘10,000 Shekels on Goliath’.”
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