Tag: The Bible

Funny Jokes

If The Bible Were Written By College Students

10 Commandments - If The Bible Were Written By College StudentsIf the Bible were written by College Students…

  • Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning cold.
  • The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
  • New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
  • Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.
  • Paul’s letter to the Romans becomes Paul’s e-mail to [email protected].
  • Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
  • The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
  • Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.
  • Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
  • Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: A Mummy In Israel

Rubber Chicken An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least.

After examining it, he called the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem. “I’ve just discovered a 3,000-year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed.

The curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check it out.”

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You were right, about both the mummy’s age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?”

“Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that read, ‘10,000 Shekels on Goliath’.”

 

 

 

Funny Jokes

Punny Biblical Questions And Answers

Punny Biblical Questions And Answers

Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A: Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A: Pharaoh’s daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A: Ruth-less.

Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A: Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.

Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A: Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A: David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A: Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, “We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement.”

Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson; he brought the house down.

Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A: In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second, Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Cowboy’s Lost Bible

Rubber Chicken The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

 

 

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