Tag: Texas

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Attitude Suitability Test

Rubber ChickenA young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6′ 2″, strong as a longhorn, and fast as mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.

When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff’s Department.

After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man’s last interview.

The Chief Deputy said, “You’re a big strong kid, and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an “Attitude Suitability Test”, that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don’t let anyone carry our badge, son.”

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, “Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Democrats, and a rabbit.”

“Why the rabbit?” queried the applicant.

“You pass,” said the Chief Deputy. “When can you start?”

 

 

Jokes Political

Joke Of The Day: Don’t Drink The Water

Rubber ChickenIn Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher’s stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: “Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen.” This means: Glad to meet you! Don’t drink the water. The cows have crapped in it.”

The man shouted back: “I’m from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama’s health care plan. I can’t understand you. Please speak in English.”

The rancher replied: “Use both hands.”

 

 

Information Political

Texas Officials Disqualify Winning Relay Team Because Runner Pointed to God

Welcome to Obama’s fundamentally changed America. You Liberal jackasses should be ashamed of yourselves.

An act of faith has cost an area track team a win and a chance to advance to the state championships.

This past weekend, the Columbus High School Mighty Cardinals had just won a boys relay race when a runner’s final gesture got them disqualified.

As he was crossing the finish line, Derrick Hayes pointed up to the sky. His father believes he was giving thanks in a gesture to God.

“It was a reaction,” father KC Hayes said. “I mean you’re brought up your whole life that God gives you good things, you’re blessed.”

Columbus ISD Superintendent Robert O’Connor said the team had won the race by seven yards. It was their fastest race of the year.

Though O’Connor cannot say why the student pointed, he says it was against the rules that govern high school sports. The rules state there can be no excessive act of celebration, which includes raising the hands.

“I don’t think that the situation was technically a terrible scenario as far as his action, but the action did violate the context of the rule,” Supt. O’Connor said.

But critics, including the runner’s father, see it as a violation of religious freedom. Some of them have even complained to the state, which does not appear to be budging.

“You cross a finish line and you’ve accomplished a goal and within seconds it’s gone,” KC Hayes said. “To see four kids, you know, what does that tell them about the rest of their lives? You’re going to do what’s right, work extra hard, and have it ripped away from you?”

It has proven to be a difficult lesson for a team which showed how well it can win. It must now show how well it can handle loss.

 

Information Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Prospective Juror

Rubber ChickenA prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given to the panel: “An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.'”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I discovered that my husband was having an affair with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him.”

She wasn’t selected for the jury.

 

 

Load More