JokesComments Off on Joke Of The Day: What They Taught Us
Dec022014
In the men’s bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands… clear up to his elbows…. he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, “I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean.”
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, “I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious.”
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, “I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us… not to piss on our hands.”
JokesComments Off on Joke Of The Day: Lighten The Load
Oct302014
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says ” We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive”
The four open the door and look out below.
The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers “God Save The Queen” and jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers “Viva La France” and he also jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers “Remember the Alamo” and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
A Texas health care worker who cared for Thomas Eric Duncan has tested positive for Ebola. The worker from the Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital reported a low-grade fever on Friday night and was isolated and referred for testing.
Don’t be surprised if Obama orders Ebola cases in Africa be moved to the US. After all… that was his logic for handling Gitmo prisoners.
A health care worker at a Dallas hospital tested positive for Ebola in a preliminary test, the Texas Department of State Health Services said in a statement early Sunday.
The health care worker at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital, who was not identified in the statement, provided care for Thomas Eric Duncan, the first Ebola patient in the United States, who died last week.
The worker reported a “low grade fever” Friday night and was isolated and referred for testing. The preliminary result was received late Saturday.
“We knew a second case could be a reality, and we’ve been preparing for this possibility,” Dr. David Lakey, commissioner of the Texas Department of State Health Services, said in the statement. “We are broadening our team in Dallas and working with extreme diligence to prevent further spread.”
Health officials have interviewed the patient and are identifying any contacts or potential exposures.
Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital has come under scruntiny for its handling of Duncan, who first showed up at the hospital’s emergency room late on the evening of Sept. 25, complaining of a fever and severe pain. Although documents show that a nurse recorded early in Duncan’s first hospital visit that he recently came to the U.S. from Africa and his temperature reached 103 degrees, he was prescribed antibiotics and told to take Tylenol, then returned to the apartment where he was staying with a Dallas woman and three other people.
The Associated Press reported that Duncan’s temperature reading was flagged with an exclamation point in the hospital’s record-keeping system.
Jokes, PoliticalComments Off on Joke Of The Day: New Braunfels
Oct052014
In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.
One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher’s stock pond.
The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: “Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen.” (This means: “Glad to meet you! Don’t drink the water. The cows have shit in it.”)
The man shouted back: “I’m from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama’s health care plan. I can’t understand you. Please speak in English.”
A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had on the biggest boots she’d ever seen! The woman asked the cowboy, “Is it true what they say about men with big feet?”
The cowboy grinned and said, “Shore is, little lady! Why don’t ya come on out to the bunk house and let me prove it to you?”
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, “Well, thankee, ma’am. Ah’m real flattered. Ain’t nobody ever paid me fer mah services before.”
The woman replied, “Don’t be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.”
