Tag: Short Stories

Featured Funny Short Story

Family Ties and Hidden Lies

Once upon a time, in the quiet and humorously predictable suburbs, there lived a man named Alex. He was a proud father of six children, each as unique as the next. Alex had always considered himself lucky to have such a lively and diverse family.

Once upon a time, in the quiet and humorously predictable suburbs, there lived a man named Alex. He was a proud father of six children, each as unique as the next. Alex had always considered himself lucky to have such a lively and diverse family.

One sunny afternoon, as he was pushing his youngest child in a stroller, he couldn’t help but notice that little Timmy had inherited a rather striking set of almond-shaped eyes and a distinct complexion that was unmistakably Asian. This puzzled Alex, for he was of European descent, and his wife Norma was too. He tried to brush it off as a genetic quirk, but his suspicions gnawed at him like a persistent itch.

Unable to shake his doubts, Alex decided to play detective. He secretly collected DNA samples from all of his children, using the pretext of a family science project. Then, he sent the samples off to a genetic testing service, anxiously awaiting the results.

Days turned into weeks, and one fateful morning, the envelope containing the results arrived. Alex’s heart raced as he tore it open. As he scanned the report, his eyes widened in disbelief. None of the children bore his genetic markers, and to his utter astonishment, three of them had African ancestry. He couldn’t believe his eyes; he had always suspected his life was a sitcom, but this was pushing it!

With a heart heavy with anxiety, Alex decided he needed answers. That evening, after putting the kids to bed, he sat down with Norma in the living room. He cleared his throat, struggling to find the right words. “Norma,” he began tentatively, “I need to talk to you about something very important.”

Norma looked up from her Bible, concern etched on her face. “What’s wrong, Alex?”

Taking a deep breath, Alex revealed the results of the DNA tests. “I did some testing, Norma, and I found out that none of our children share my genetic material. Three of them even have African heritage. Can you explain this?”

Norma’s face paled, and she put her book down slowly. Her secret, which she had harbored for so long, was about to unravel. She sighed heavily and looked down at her hands. “Alex, I have a confession to make. I’ve been using a fertility clinic to get pregnant throughout our entire marriage.”

Alex’s eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. “What? Why, Norma? Why would you do that?”

Norma’s eyes welled up with tears. “I always wanted a big family, Alex, but I couldn’t conceive naturally. I thought I could keep it a secret and spare you the pain. I love you, and I didn’t want to lose you.”

Alex was taken aback, his anger giving way to a mixture of shock and empathy. He reached out and took Norma’s hand. “Norma, we need to talk this through. We’ve built our lives around these children, and they’re still our kids, no matter what the DNA says. But we also need to have an honest conversation about trust and communication.”

Norma nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I know, Alex. I should have told you from the beginning. I’m so sorry.”

The next day, while Alex was at work, his thoughts still tangled in a web of revelations from the previous night, the scene shifted to their suburban home. As the morning sun filtered through the curtains, Norma was indeed in bed, but not alone. The gardener, a strapping young man named Carlos, lay beside her. Their secret liaison had been going on for quite some time.

Nine months later, the couple welcomed their seventh child, a beautiful boy named José, into their suburban family.



Funny Short Story

The Day I Became Batman

I never planned to be a superhero. I was just on my way to pick up my daughter from Band when I took a wrong turn and ended up at the back of a Halloween parade behind a Funeral Hearse that was shooting flames with “Monster Mash” blaring from its speakers. I tried to get out of there, but the traffic was so slow and the crowd was so thick that I had no choice but to follow along.

I never planned to be a superhero. I was just on my way to pick up my daughter from Band when I took a wrong turn and ended up at the back of a Halloween parade behind a Funeral Hearse that was shooting flames with “Monster Mash” blaring from its speakers. I tried to get out of there, but the traffic was so slow and the crowd was so thick that I had no choice but to follow along.

That’s when I realized that my car was attracting a lot of attention. It was a black sedan with a Batman license plate. Apparently, the kids in the parade thought I was the real deal. I tried to ignore the kids and look straight ahead, hoping that the parade would end soon. But it didn’t. They started waving to me and yelling “Hi Batman”. Some of them even threw candy at me. They waved to me with such enthusiasm and admiration that I couldn’t help but wave back. The more I waved, the more they cheered. The more they cheered, the more I waved. It was a vicious cycle. I could hear the parade announcer saying something about a surprise guest appearance by Batman.

I was stuck as the last car in the parade for what seemed like an eternity. Then something happened that changed my perspective. As I was passing by a group of kids, one of them ran up to me and said:

“Hi Batman. I love you! You are my hero.”

I looked at the kid, and he smiled at me with such admiration and gratitude that I almost cried. He didn’t care that I wasn’t really Batman. He just cared that I was there for him. He made me feel like a hero and suddenly, I felt a surge of power. I felt like the real Batman driving the Batmobile. So I rolled down my window and in my best Batman voice shouted, “Hello, citizens of Gotham!” and “Justice never sleeps!”. The kids went wild. They cheered louder than ever.

As the parade came to an end, I realized that I had accidentally become part of something that I never intended to be a part of. And also realized that it was one of the funniest and best accidents that had ever happened to me. I felt like I had brought joy to those kids’ lives and that was all that mattered.

Although that happened a few years ago, little kids waiting for their buses and those I pass along the street still wave and shout with joy and enthusiasm at me and my car this very day. “I’m Batman!”



Jokes

Joke Of The Day: A Passion For Baked Beans

Joke Of The Day: A Passion For Baked Beans Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly afterward, they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way, he passed a small café and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home.

So he went in, ordered, and had 3 extra large helpings of delicious baked beans. He farted all the way home. By the time he arrived home, he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!” She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table, and made him promise not to peek.

At this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but also ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Then he got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table fell over. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, “SURPRISE!!!”

There, seated around the table to his great alarm, were twelve dinner guests for his surprise birthday party!

 

 

 

 

Funny Short Story

Death By Dad Farts

It was a hot summer day when Dad decided to take the family on a road trip. We packed the car with snacks, pillows, and high hopes for a fun-filled adventure. Little did we know that this trip would become the stuff of legend, forever etched in the annals of our family history as “Death By Dad Farts.”

It was a hot summer day when Dad decided to take the family on a road trip. We packed the car with snacks, pillows, and high hopes for a fun-filled adventure. Little did we know that this trip would become the stuff of legend, forever etched in the annals of our family history as “Death By Dad Farts.”

As we hit the open road, the excitement in the car was palpable. Dad had always been the jovial one, the joker of the family, and he was determined to make this trip a memorable one. Little did we know that his idea of “memorable” would take a rather aromatic turn.

The journey began innocently enough. Dad started cracking jokes and playing his favorite oldies tunes on the radio. We laughed, sang along, and marveled at the passing scenery. But as the hours rolled on, a subtle change began to waft through the air.

At first, it was just a soft, almost imperceptible toot. We giggled and teased Dad, thinking it was an isolated incident. But oh, how wrong we were. As the miles passed, Dad’s farts seemed to gain confidence and volume. They went from polite to raucous, from discreet to thunderous. Each one was like a sonic boom of flatulence, sending shockwaves of laughter and groans through the car.

We tried rolling down the windows, but that only seemed to amplify the effect as the wind carried the noxious cloud back into the car. Mom pleaded with Dad to stop, but he was on a mission. He was determined to break his previous record for the most farts in a single car ride.

Hours turned into days, and still, the farts kept coming. We couldn’t escape. The car became a gas chamber, and we were the unwilling inmates. Dad’s face was a portrait of pure mischief, as he reveled in his reign of olfactory terror. It was like a never-ending symphony of flatulence, a bizarre and hilarious performance that no one in the car would ever forget.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, we reached our destination. We spilled out of the car, gasping for fresh air, our eyes still watering from the unforgettable experience. We laughed until our sides hurt, realizing that this would be a story to tell for generations to come.

Years passed, and we often recounted the tale of the infamous road trip. Dad’s farts had become the stuff of legend, a cherished family memory that we shared with friends and newcomers alike. We laughed about it, even Dad himself, who had by then retired from his illustrious career as the “Farting Maestro.”

And then, one day, we found ourselves at Dad’s viewing. He had lived a long and joyful life, reaching the ripe old age of 99. As we stood somberly around his coffin, paying our final respects, there was a moment of eerie silence.

And then, from the depths of that wooden box, came a faint, unmistakable sound—a tiny, barely audible fart. Our eyes widened in disbelief, and a hushed laughter spread through the room. We couldn’t believe it, but there it was, the final encore, a farewell performance from Dad himself.

As we looked down at the casket, we noticed a tiny grin on Dad’s face, as if he had orchestrated this last act of humor from beyond the grave. It was a fitting farewell for a man who had always known how to bring laughter into our lives, even in the most unexpected and unforgettable ways.

We smiled and cried as we left the viewing, knowing Dad’s spirit and sense of humor would live on in our hearts and in the memory of that legendary road trip. In the end, his final act was a fitting farewell for a man who had brought so much laughter into their lives, even in his passing, and his last passing of gas.



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