Joke Of The Day

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Oct 242010
 

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks: “What happened, what’s the holdup?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Hussein Obama, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O’ Donnell and Al Sharpton,” the man replies. “They’re asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection.”

The driver asks: “On average, how much is everyone giving?”

“About a gallon.”

Joke Of The Day

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Oct 062010
 

A couple, which has been married 10 years, was working in the garden one afternoon.

As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, “Lucy, you are getting fat. Your ass is huge. I’ll bet it’s as wide as the gas grill!”

Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then, without flinching, he measured his wife’s ass.

“Yep, he said. “Just what I thought. Your ass is the same size as the grill. Hey Lucy, Rosie O’Donnell called and she wants her body back”‚ the husband taunted.

The wife became irate and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day.

When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, “How about it, Honey? How about a little action?”

The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. “What’s the matter?” he asked her.

“You don’t think I’m going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?”