Q: How do we know that the “Toothbrush” was invented in West Virginia?
A: Had it been invented anywhere else it would have been called a “Teethbrush”.
Tag: Rednecks
The Top 31 Things that You Will Never Hear a Southern Boy Say
31. When I retire, I’m movin’ north.
30. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.
29. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won’t fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken
26. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
25. You can’t feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
23. Wrestling is fake.
22. We’re vegetarians.
21. Do you think my gut is too big?
20. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
19. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
15. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
12. The tires on that truck are too big.
11. I’ve got it all on the C: DRIVE.
10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
8. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
7. Checkmate
6. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
5. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
4. I don’t have a favorite college team.
3. You Guys.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty May.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY (EVER):
1. Nope, no more beer for me. I’m driving a whole bus load of us down to re-elect OBAMA!
Joke Of The Day
In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!”
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage.
Sticking it in my face she said, “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise men came from afar.'”
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