Redneck Baptism
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?”
“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.”
“I don’t mean that,” the priest responded. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”
“Oh, sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”
You know yours is a Red Neck Church if:
Upon learning that Jesus fed the 5000, the men want to know whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
The pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering.” Then five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of.”
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
Baptism is referred to as “Branding.”
There is a special bake sale to raise funds for a new church septic tank.
High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
The baptismal is a #2 galvanized wash tub.
The choir robes were donated by Billy Bob’s Bar-B-Q, and are embroidered with his logo.
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a ’56 Chevy.
