Tag: Rednecks

Funny

Tips From The Redneck Book Of Manners

General

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you’re completely certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

Dining Out

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

3. Belching “to make room for dessert” is frowned upon.

Entertaining In Your Home

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

3. Waking the children to come out so you can show guests “they ain’t got no birth defects” is impolite. (And bringing them out to show guests that they do have them is considered very rude.)

Personal Hygiene

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s own truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. (However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.)

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.

2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 p.m.; others might say ‘Monday.’ If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.

Weddings

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving

1. When sending your date down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to also bring back beer.

2. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

3. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

 

Amusing Funny Jokes

Taters

TatersSome people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work.
They are called ‘Spec Taters’.

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work.
They are called ‘Comment Taters’.

Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don’t want to soil their own hands.
They are called ‘Dick Taters’.

Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet.
They are called ‘Aggie Taters’.

There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help.
They are called ‘Hezzie Taters’.

Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not.
They are called ‘Immy Taters’.

Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.
They are called ‘Sweet Po Taters’.

 

Information Political

Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson: ‘It’s Spiritual Warfare’

Phil Robertson, revealed in an interview that much of what happens during taping of Duck Dynasty gets distorted by editors “with no moral compass.”

“They inserted fake beeps like somebody had used profanity,” Robertson said. “But no one had used profanity.”

After much back and forth, the editors finally quit inserting the fake bleeps. But then they deleted the words, “In Jesus’ name,” during the family’s prayer scene at the end of the show.

After raising the issue, Robertson said, “I noticed now, every once in a while, they’re leaving it in there.”

Popular A&E reality show “Duck Dynasty” continues to smash competition in the ratings on Wednesday nights, but one star has spoken out about how the show is portrayed.

In an interview with Sports Spectrum TV earlier this year that’s only recently gone viral, Phil Robertson admitted that fake bleeps were inserted into the show even though there was no cursing happening.

“The inserted fake bleeps … like somebody had used profanity, but no one had used profanity,” Robertson said. “I ask those guys that produce the show … ‘What’s the point of the fake bleeps?’”

Robertson admitted that there are up to 20 editors who are “arranging the scenes” on the show so they might think that’s where cursing likely happened.

“Of course these people probably thought that there was some profanity going on which there was zero,” Robertson stated. “If we’re not using profanity, why make it look like we’re using profanity? What is the point? Why don’t you just run it and say what we say?”

Robertson also said that the name Jesus has been cut out during the family’s prayer scene at the end of the show.

“So they would just have me saying, ‘Thank you Lord for the food, thank you for loving us. Amen.’ So I said, ‘Why would you cut out ‘In Jesus’ name?’ They said, ‘Well those editors are probably doing that. They just think that they don’t want to offend some of the Muslims or something.’”

Robertson said that since that conversation the show has been leaving “Jesus” in the show.

“So I notice now they are … leaving it in there, but you got to remember, spiritual warfare,” Robertson said. “I mean you have people with no moral compass, it ain’t there.”

“Duck Dynasty” has been a smash hit for A&E, garnering 11.8 million viewers for the Season Four premiere.

The Robertsons’ Duck Commander business is located in West Monroe, La.

Source…

 

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