Tag: Rednecks

You Know You Are In A Redneck Church If…

• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.
• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… when the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,” five guys and two women stand up.
• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of.”
• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… The congregation of 500 members only has seven last names in the church directory.
• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… people think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.
• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… the collection plates are hubcaps from a 56 Chevy.
• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… instead of bells, you are called to service by a duck call.
• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… the communion wine is Boone’s Farm “Strawberry Hill”.
• You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… that “Thou shall not covet” thing applies to huntin’ dogs, too.