Tag: Red Skelton

Funny Jokes

Red Skelton’s Marriage Tips

Red Skelton’s tips for a Happy Marriage:

Red Skelton's Marriage Tips

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me “In the Lake.”

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said “No, jump in!”

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked “What’s on the TV?” I said “Dust!”

 

Other

Red Skelton’s Pledge of Allegiance

On January 14, 1969 comic Red Skelton, on his weekly television show, expressed sorrow that the Pledge of Allegiance might someday be considered a “prayer” and eliminated from public schools. Red Skelton’s words were remarkably visionary and perhaps more prophetic than even he imagined.

On that show, Skelton offered his television audience his reminiscence of an incident from his schoolboy days in Indiana. Mr. Lasswell, Skelton’s teacher, felt his students had come to regard the Pledge of Allegiance as a daily chore to be recited by mechanical repetition. They had lost any sense of the meaning of the words they were speaking. As Skelton related the story, Mr. Lasswell told his class: “I’ve been listening to you boys and girls recite the Pledge of Allegiance all semester and it seems as though it’s becoming monotonous to you. If I may, may I recite it and try to explain to you the meaning of each and every word?”

Skelton then delivered to his audience a stirring version of the explanation provided to his school class by their teacher so many years earlier and a recitation of the pledge itself.