Two Obama Voters find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?”
The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”
Tag: Police
Joke Of The Day: The New Mercedes
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100…. Then the reality of the situation hit him. “What am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”
The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”
“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.
Joke Of The Day: Caught Speeding
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”
“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.
“Ummm, yeah…” the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, “Ever catch all the fish?”
Police Called To Domestic Dispute Over Boyfriend Passing Gas
CLAWSON (WWJ) – Police are shaking their heads after a suspected domestic violence call turned out to be something else entirely.
Clawson Police Chief Harry Anderson says a woman dialed 911 when she heard what sounded like a violent altercation between her neighbors at a Maple Road apartment complex.
“One of the neighbors had heard somebody yelling — a female yelling … she was possibly being hit — yelling, ‘Stop! No!’” Anderson told WWJ Newsradio 950′s Marie Osborne.
The concerned party also said that, in between shouts, she heard a repeated loud noise.
Police arrived within minutes. When they knocked on the door to the unit, Anderson said, a woman told officers she was indeed shouting, ‘Stop!’ — but that her boyfriend was not beating her.
So, what was the stink all about?
“The female that was inside stated that her boyfriend had continued to pass gas, and she was yelling at him to stop,” Anderson said.
In a show of a little police humor, the officers’ report states that police then, “Cleared the scene expeditiously.”
“It’s quite often that we respond to things that have a funny twist to them — and this was definitely one for the books,” Anderson said.
Joke Of The Day: Drunks
Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer. All of a sudden the driver notices lights flashing in his mirror; the cops are on his tail.
His buddy says, “What are we going to do?”
The driver says, “Don’t worry. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, peel the labels off our beer bottles and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Then shove the bottles underneath the seat, and let me do the talking.”
They pull over and the cop walks up to the car. He looks at them kind of funny, but asks to see the guy’s driver’s license. And he asks him, “Have you been drinking?”
“Oh, no, sir,” the driver replies.
“I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you *sure* you haven’t been drinking?” the cop asks.
“Oh, no, sir,” the drunk answers. “We haven’t had a thing to drink tonight.”
“Well, I’ve got to ask you,” says the cop, “What on earth are those things on your forehead?”
“That’s easy, Officer,” says the drunk. “You see, we’re both alcoholics, and we’re on the patch.”
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