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Jokes

Joke Of The Day

December 6, 2009September 9, 2012 gags

A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called “The Knob,” where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman’s head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the same effect as a brand new face-lift.

Of course, the woman wanted “The Knob”.

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. “All these years, everything has been working just fine.

I’ve had to turn the knob many times and I’ve always loved the results.

But now I’ve developed two annoying problems:

“First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won’t get rid of them.”

The doctor looked at her closely and said, “Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.”

She said, “Well, I guess there’s no point in asking about the GOATEE.”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

September 30, 2009September 9, 2012 gags

Dr. Timothy McCarthy while receiving a medical award for creativity reported his findings to the Fellows of Plastic Surgery concluding with this case study:

“Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman’s hair and the horse’s ass. I was able to put them together and now she’s Speaker of the House “.

Other

Priscilla Presley Victim Of An Unqualified Plastic Surgeon

March 25, 2008 gags

If you have been watching “Dancing with the Stars” ~~like I have~~ like my wife has, you may have noticed that something doesn’t quite look right with Priscilla Presley. Her face is extremely bloated like she has had way too many Botox injections. Well there is news circulating out there that may offer a clue. It seems that her appearance may be the work of an unqualified plastic surgeon. The explanation for her appearance is that Priscilla was treated by Dr. Daniel Serrano who was imprisoned for injecting patients with unsafe forms of silicone.

In my opinion, things like this are to be expected when people mess with Mother Nature.

Priscilla Presley Was a ‘Victim’ of Bogus Doctor

Dancing With the Stars contestant Priscilla Presley is making news for something other than her footwork, acknowledging that she had once fallen victim to an unqualified plastic surgeon identified as Dr. Daniel Serrano.

In a statement released on Tuesday, a rep for the 62-year-old Presley said, “Priscilla Presley was one of many documented victims of Dr. Serrano. An investigation which uncovered his misconduct ultimately lead to his imprisonment. Ms. Presley dealt with this matter years ago and everything is well.”

In November 2004, federal agents arrested Serrano, who was only a nurse in the U.S., and charged him with importing and distributing a drug that was a combination of synthetic collagen and tiny solid beads that was legal in some countries but not approved by the FDA, PEOPLE reported at the time.

“He’s a very charming guy,” Ellen Lavinthal, who sometimes availed herself of Serrano’s services, told PEOPLE in Dec. 2004, “and he had a lot of fabulous endorsements from the women he had been treating.” She added: “He’s very good at taking advantage of women.”

In 2006, Serrano pleaded guilty in federal court in Los Angeles to conspiracy, smuggling and use of unapproved drugs, the Los Angeles Times reported. He was sentenced to 18 months in federal prison.

Other

Star Magazine’s Perfect Face

February 25, 2008 gags

This is hilarious! Star Magazine put together the perfect face for a man and woman using the results of a survey by Beverly Hills plastic surgeons Toby Mayer and Richard Fleming. Star morphed the most requested celebrity body parts to create the perfect male and female faces. They are perfect alright; perfect for radio.

If you ask me, the guy looks like a gay Elvis (not that there is anything wrong with that) and the woman looks Faith Hill after botched up plastic surgery.

Wait. People really want hair like John Stamos?

The Perfect Face?

What happens when you combine 007 Daniel Craig’s baby blue eyes, Leonardo DiCaprio’s nose and Matt Damon’s lips? Star decided to find out!

Using the results of a new survey by Beverly Hills plastic surgeons Toby Mayer and Richard Fleming, Star morphed the celeb body-parts most often requested by patients to create what should be the perfect man — and woman!

But is the end result — which also added Christian Bale’s jaw and John Stamos’ hair — all that good-looking?

As for the female morph, it’s Katie Holmes’ eyes, Katherine Heigl’s nose, Keira Knightley’s cheeks, Jessica Simpson’s long blonde hair and — not surprisingly — Angelina Jolie’s lips, “People want fullness, they want that pout,” says Dr. Fleming.