Joke Of The Day: Three Old Men

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May 232016
 
Rubber Chicken Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

“I would like my grandchildren to say, ‘He was successful in business’,” declared the first man.

“Fifty years from now,” said the second, “I want them to say, ‘He was a loyal family man’.”

Turning to the third gent, the first gent asked, “So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?”

“Me?” the third man replied. “I want them all to say, “He certainly looks good for his age’!”

 

 

 

Man Drank 4 Bottles Of Wine Every Day And Lived To 107

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Apr 292016
 

Antonio Docampo - Man Drank 4 Bottles Of Wine Every Day And Lived To 107

Antonio Docampo García, founder of the Bodegas Docampo wine company, would have two bottles with lunch and another two with dinner.

Stop training for that marathon and put down the quinoa. According to a 107-year-old Spanish winemaker, the secret to longevity is drinking red wine—a lot of it.

Antonio Docampo, who died last week at the ripe, very old age of 107, regularly drank two full bottles of red wine at lunch and another two bottles at dinner. “He could drink a liter and a half at once and he never drank water,” his son, Miguel Docampo López, told La Voz de Galicia. “When we were both at home we could get through 200 liters of wine a month.” To put that in an American perspective, that’s over 250 bottles.

Docampo supported his drinking regimen by founding his own winery, Bodegas Docampo in Ribeiro. “If he produced 60,000 liters a year he’d keep 3,000 liters for himself,” said his nephew, Jerónimo Docampo. “He always said that was his secret to living so long.” He also regularly took a shot of brandy with his breakfast.

The notion that red wine can help people live longer is nothing new. An article in the New York Times from 2008 cites a study suggesting that an compound called resveratrol found in some red wines increases longevity. Though, it would take about 35 bottles a day to actually make an impact. Still, Docampo’s intake was nothing to sneer at, so maybe the resveratrol is responsible. Or maybe it was genetic. Or maybe just insanely lucky. Whatever the case, take the opportunity tonight to lift a glass of red (or an entire bottle) to señor Docampo.

Source…

 

Joke Of The Day: Nursing Home Wedding

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Apr 292016
 
Rubber Chicken A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a wedding.

An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. “Do you love her?”

The old man replied, “I guess.”

“Is she a good Jewish woman?”

“I don’t know for sure,” the old man answered.

“Does she have lots of money?” asked the rabbi.

“I doubt it.”

“Then why are you marrying her?” the rabbi asked.

“She can drive at night,” the old man said

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Little Old Lady

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Apr 272016
 
Rubber Chicken A farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the Hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the Feed Store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?’

The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’

The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’

‘Why thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.’

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, rip my panties off and have your way with me?’

The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’

The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens..