Joke Of The Day: Getting Married

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Nov 032017
 
Joke Of The Day: Getting Married Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: Are you the owner?

The pharmacist answers, Yes.

Jacob: Were about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?

Pharmacist: Of course we do.

Jacob: How about medicine for circulation?

Pharmacist: All kinds.

Jacob: Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?

Pharmacist: Definitely.

Jacob: How about Viagra?

Pharmacist: Of course.

Jacob: Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?

Pharmacist: Yes, a large variety. The works.

Jacob: What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinsons disease?

Pharmacist: Absolutely.

Jacob: You sell wheelchairs and walkers?

Pharmacist: All speeds and sizes.

Jacob: We would like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Rosebuds

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Nov 022017
 
Joke Of The Day: Rosebuds The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just has a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that.

The teenager tells her “Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!” and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate.

“Loosen up, sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets.”

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Texting And The Elderly

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Oct 252017
 
Joke Of The Day: Texting And The Elderly An elderly couple learned to send text messages on their mobile phones.

The wife, a retired college English instructor with emphasis on the Classics, was an unapologetic romantic; her husband, a retired salty Navy chief petty officer of thirty years’ service, was a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went to the local Starbucks’s to meet a friend for coffee. While awaiting her friend’s arrival, she exercised her new skill by sending her husband a romantic text message: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”

The husband responded: “I’m takin’ a dump. Please advise.”

 

 

 

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