Tag: Newspapers
58 Actual Newspaper Headlines
58 Actual Newspaper Headlines
(collected by journalists)
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in ’84
30. War Dims Hope for Peace
31. If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
58. Include your Children When Baking Cookies
Boston Hero
Two boys in Boston were playing basketball when one of them was attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy picked up a board lying nearby, wedged it into the dog’s collar and twisted it, breaking the dog’s neck and thus ending the attack. His friend was saved.
A newspaper reporter from the Boston Globe witnessed the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. Realizing he had less than 20 minutes to get the story entered for the next edition, the reporter began entering the story into his laptop as he did the interview, beginning with the headline:
Brave Young Celtics Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious Animal
“But I’m not a Celtics fan,” interjected the little hero, looking over the reporter’s shoulder as he typed.
“Sorry,” replied the reporter, “but since we’re in Boston, I just assumed you were.”
Hitting the delete key, the reporter replaced the head:
John Kerry Supporter Rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack
“I don’t like Kerry either,” the boy responds.
“Huh,” the reporter says. “I assumed everybody in this state was either for the Celtics, Kerry or Kennedy. OK, then, what team or person do you like?”
“I’m a Houston Rockets fan and I really like George W. Bush,” the boy says.
Hitting the delete key, the reporter began again:
Arrogant Conservative Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet
Joke Of The Day: Great Sales Technique
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!”
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday’s paper.
The man said, “Hey, this is an old paper. Where’s the story about the big swindle?”
The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, “Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!”
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