Tag: Newspapers
The Truth
The editor of a small country newspaper, furious over several government bills that had recently been passed, printed a scathing editorial with an enormous headline:
“HALF THE LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS.”
Many local politicians were outraged and exerted tremendous pressure on him to print a retraction. He finally gave in to the pressure and ran his apology with the headline:
“HALF THE LEGISLATORS ARE NOT CROOKS.”
American Newspapers
Who Reads What Newspapers?
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie chart format.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn’t have to leave LA to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country, and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy, as long as they are democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
Employment Wanted
The following is an actual “position wanted” ad that appeared in the National Post in Toronto, Canada, in March 2001. It’s confirmed real: I’ve seen it.
FORMER MARIJUANA SMUGGLER
Having successfully completed a ten year sentence, incident-free, for importing 75 tons of marijuana into the United States, I am now seeking a legal and legitimate means to support myself and my family.BUSINESS EXPERIENCE: owned and operated a successful fishing business — multi-vessel, one airplane, one island and processing facility. Simultaneously owned and operated a fleet of tractor-trailer trucks conducting business in the western United States. During this time I also co-owned and participated in the executive level management of 120 people worldwide in a successful pot smuggling venture with revenues in excess of US$100 million annually. I took responsibility for my own actions, and received a ten year sentence in the United States while others walked free for their cooperation.
ATTRIBUTES: I am an expert in all levels of security; I have extensive computer skills, am personable, outgoing, well-educated, reliable, clean and sober. I have spoken in schools to thousands of kids and parent groups over the past ten years on “the consequences of choice”, and received public recognition from the RCMP for community service. I am well-traveled and speak English, French, and Spanish. References available from friends, family, the U.S. District Attorney, etc.
Please direct replies to (National Post Classified, Don Mills, Ont, Canada)
After running the ad, the paper interviewed the man, Brian O’Dea of Toronto. He told the paper he hopes “someone will read that ad and realize, jeez, not only did he operate that scheme, but he did it in secret. That shows tremendous coordinating ability.”
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