Tag: New Year’s Eve

Funny Quotes

New Year Quotes

New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. ~ Mark Twain

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. ~ Brooks Atkinson

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. ~ Bill Vaughan

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution. ~ Jay Leno

New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. ~ James Agate

Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle. ~ Eric Zorn

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~ Bill Vaughan

New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday. ~ Charles Lamb

New Year’s Day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. ~ Mark Twain

Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that. ~ Judith Crist

Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. ~ Anonymous

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions! ~ Joey Adams

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. ~ Anais Nin

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. ~ Oscar Wilde

I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser. ~ Robert Paul

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other. ~ Anonymous

From New Year’s on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. ~ Leonard Bernstein

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. Unless a man starts on the strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is quite certain that he will never exist afterwards. Unless a man be born again, he shall by no means enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. ~ G. K. Chesterton

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: A Lecture Tour With A Difference

Rubber Chicken On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer.

‘I’m on my way to a lecture,’ answered Roger.

‘And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?’ enquired the constable sarcastically.

‘My wife,’ slurred Daniel grimly.

 

 

Amusing How To

How To Of The Day: How To Open A Beer Bottle Without An Opener

Just in time for New Year’s Eve.

ARVE Error: need id and provider

Quick and Simple Life Hacks — Beer Edition. We will show you 6 ways to open a bottle just in case you lost your opener.

1. How to open a beer with a Counter Top – Place the seam of the cap along a hard edge that don’t be damaged and give the bottle a hard tap right on top.

2. How to open a beer with a key – Take your car key and pop out 3 or 4 prongs in the cap twisting each time and then push up.

3. Open beer with another bottle – Flip another bottle upside down and connect the caps at the seam, leverage the upside bottle over your hand and open it.

4. Open beer with a dollar bill or paper – Take some currency and fold it over several times until its hard to bend. Then grab your bottle and place the bill under the lip of the cap. Using your knuckle as leverage pop that sucker off and make it rain.

5. Open a bottle with a drawer – Place the bottle under the lip of a handle and simply pull down in a fast motion.

6. The old lighter trick. No explanation needed.