Tag: Montana
Joke Of The Day: The Count
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A cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”
The cowboy looks at the man, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?” The yuppie parks his car, whips out his notebook computer, makes his smartphone a WiFi hotspot, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he enters his exact location from his GPS receiver to get the most recent image of the field in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then forwards the digital photo to a military image processing facility. Within seconds, he receives an e-mail that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MySQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet and, after just a moment, receives a response. He turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 animals in this herd.” “That’s right,” the cowboy says. “Well, a deal’s a deal: I guess you can take one of my calves.” He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the wise cowboy says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?” The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “That sounds fair, why not?” “You’re a U.S. Congressman,” says the cowboy with no hesitation. “Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, leaning on his still-closed trunk. “But how did you guess that?” “No guessing required,” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment paid for by taxpayers trying to show me how much smarter than me you are. And you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living — or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.” |
Skijoring: Horse Drawn Skiing In Montana
Skijoring is described as a winter sport where a person on skis is pulled by a horse, a dog (or dogs) or a motor vehicle. In Montana they combine signature ski racing with cowboy roots which results in a wild fast-paced and entertaining spectator event.
Modern ski joring involves a horse and rider pulling a skier around a horseshoe shaped 700-foot-long course at high speeds, with the skier required to navigate over jumps and around slalom gates. The sport of ski joring began several hundred years ago in Scandinavia as a way to travel during the long winters, with skiers back then pulled by dogs. Skijoring found its way to North America, where bored ranch hands attached a long rope to the saddle horn, and galloped on a horse at high speeds down a long straight-away.
Currently, the sport of equestrian ski joring has become a highly specialized competitive sport, where competitors must navigate a high-speed, snowy course of jumps and gates and curves. In 1928, equestrian ski joring was actually an exhibition sport in the St. Moritz Winter Olympic Games.
Joke Of The Day: Winning Back Middle America
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Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, “Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2014!”
“Great Nancy, but how?” asked Harry. “We’ll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador retriever. Then, we’ll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard-working people living there.” So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman , Montana. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar. The Bartender took a step back and said, “Hey! Aren’t you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?” “Yes we are!” said Nancy, “And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color.” They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen. A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar. For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog’s tail, and left shaking their heads. Finally, Nancy asked, “Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog’s tail? Is it some sort of custom?” “Lord no,” said the bartender. “Someone’s out there running around town, claiming there’s a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!” |
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