Tag: Mexicans

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Cojones de Toro

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, ‘What is that you just served?’

The waiter replied, ‘Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull’s testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!’

The cowboy said, ‘What the heck, bring me an order.’

The waiter replied, ‘I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.’

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, ‘These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.’

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, ‘Si, Senor.

Sometimes the bull wins.

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they’re at death’s door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree off in the distance.

As they get closer they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There’s smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts.

“Hey, Pepe” says the first bloke, “Ees a bacon tree!!! We’re saved!!!”

“You’re right, amigo!” says Pepe.

So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there’s the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

His friend quickly drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe.

“Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?”

With his dying breath Pepe calls out….”Ugh, run, amigo, run!! Ees not a Bacon Tree!”

…

…

…

…

“Ees… a…. Ham bush”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Jose and Carlos

Jose and Carlos are beggars. They beg in different areas of town.

Carlos begs for the same amount of time as Jose

But only collects about eight or nine dollars a day.

Jose bring home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day, he drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage – free house, and has a lot of money to spend.

“Hey, amigo,” Carlos says to Jose, “I work just as long and hard as you do, so how come you bring home a suitcase full of ten-dollar bills everyday?

Jose says, “Look at your sign, what does it say?”

Carlo’s sign reads; “I have no work, a wife and six kids to support.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Carlos asks him.

“No wonder you only get eight or nine dollars a day!”

Carlo’s says “all right what does your sign say?”

It reads, “I only need another ten dollars to get back to Mexico.”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Mexican Jews

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles one day.

Sid asks Al, ‘Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?’

Al replies, ‘I don’t know, let’s ask our waiter.’ When the waiter arrives, Al asks, ‘Are there any Mexican Jews?’

The waiter says, ‘I don’t know senor, I ask the cooks’ He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, ‘No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews.’

Al isn’t satisfied and asks, ‘Are you absolutely sure?’ The waiter, realizing he is dealing with ‘Gringos’ replies, ‘I check once again, Senor!’ and goes back into the kitchen.

While the waiter is away, Sid says, ‘I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere.’

The waiter returns and says, ‘Senor, the head cook Tom say there is no Mexican Jews.’

‘Are you certain?’ Al asks again. ‘I just can’t believe there are no Mexican Jews!’

‘SENOR, I ask EVERYONE,’ replies the exasperated waiter, ‘ All we have isOrange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, and Tomato Jews.’

Amusing

Learning to Speak Mexican

1. Cheese
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito
Replies: Maria likes me, but Cheese fat.

2. Mushroom
When all my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom.

3. Shoulder
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I Shoulder.

4. Texas
My fren always Texas me when I’m not home wondering where I’m at!

5. Herpes
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

6. July
Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!

7. Rectum
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

8. Juarez
One day my gramma slapped me and I said, ‘ Juarez your problem?’

9. Chicken
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

10. Wheelchair
We only have one enchalada left, but don’t worry wheelchair

11. Chicken wing
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing

12. Harassment
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey harassment Nothing to me.

13. Bishop
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop

14. Body wash
I wan t to go to the club but no body wash my kids

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