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Joke Of The Day

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Oct 142010

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four”.

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says “Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!”.

Again, there’s a bright flash … and then his legs fall off!

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Oct 122010

An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 61 centimetres long.

When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 61 centimetres.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, “How about we try the African
string-and-weight procedure”?

The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, *How is our little tribal experiment coming along”?

“It looks like we’re about half way there,” he replied.

“Wow, you mean it’s stretched to 30 centimetres”?

“No, it’s turned black..”

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Oct 062010

A couple, which has been married 10 years, was working in the garden one afternoon.

As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, “Lucy, you are getting fat. Your ass is huge. I’ll bet it’s as wide as the gas grill!”

Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then, without flinching, he measured his wife’s ass.

“Yep, he said. “Just what I thought. Your ass is the same size as the grill. Hey Lucy, Rosie O’Donnell called and she wants her body back”‚ the husband taunted.

The wife became irate and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day.

When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, “How about it, Honey? How about a little action?”

The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. “What’s the matter?” he asked her.

“You don’t think I’m going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?”

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!

All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.”

“My darling,” he replied, “think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

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Sep 242010

Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, “Ya’ know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn’t bend it, even using both hands.”

“By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees, if I tried really hard.”

“By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem.”

“I’m gonna be sixty pretty soon, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand.”

“So,” says the second drunk, “what’s your point?”

“Well, I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get!”

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