Tag: Marriage

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Dinner

Rubber Chicken Grandma was outside pulling weeds on a hot summer day when her grandpa walked up and asked her what they were having for dinner.

Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house while she labored away on the weeds, she snapped, “I can’t believe you’re asking me about supper right now! Pretend I’m out of town, go inside and make dinner yourself!”

So grandpa went back in the house and fixed himself a nice big juicy steak, potatoes, garlic bread, and a tall beer.

Grandma walked in just about the time he was finishing up and asked, “Where’s my dinner?”

“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Her Portrait

Rubber Chicken Mrs. Peterson was the wife of a successful business owner, and he didn’t have much time for her. On her birthday, however, he gave her a special gift: to have her portrait painted by a famous artist.

When the artist arrived and set up for the sitting, she told him, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a large ruby brooch.”

“But madam,” he said. “You are not wearing any of those things.”

“I know,” said Mrs. Peterson. “As I’m sure my husband told you, my health is not good and I don’t have long to live. As I’m sure he didn’t tell you, my husband is having an affair with his secretary.”

“Uh…” the painter stammers, unsure what to say.

“So when I die I’m sure he will marry her,” she continues, “and I want the bitch to go nuts looking for all that jewelry.”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Most Dangerous Food

Rubber Chicken A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I’m referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.”

The man lowered his head and said, “Wedding cake.”]

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: What Was That For?

Rubber Chicken An old couple were sitting in their rockers on their front porch, reflecting on life. Suddenly, the woman gets up and smacks the old man so hard he tumbles off the porch onto the ground.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“That’s for having such a tiny penis!” she answered.

He gets up, dusts himself off and gets back in his chair.

After a while, he gets up and smacks her off the porch and onto the ground.

She yells “What was that for?”

“That’s for knowing the difference!”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Zero To 200

Rubber Chicken A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. Please send your donations to the “Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife Foundation,” Dallas, Texas.

 

 

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