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A man brings his girlfriend into his room and tells her to sit down “There is something I have to tell you.”
She replies “What is it?” He tells her “I don’t want you to be my girlfriend anymore.” She immediately jumps up and screams at him “I never want to see you again!” The man, dumbfounded, says to himself “Well that was a waste of a $5,000 engagement ring…” |
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The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, “Put those on.” The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.” He replies, “And don’t forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!” The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, “Try those on!” He replies,”I can’t get into your knickers!” “And you never will if you don’t change your attitude.” |
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A child asked his father, “How were people born?”
So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.” |
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Two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar.
One of the guys says to his buddy: “Man you look tired.” His buddy says, “Man I’m exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. She’s after me 3 and 4 times a day, I just don’t know what to do.” A man in his seventies sitting a couple of stools down overheard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says: “Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that sh*t.” |
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Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary.
During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof — the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.” So the fairy picked up her wand and poof… the husband was 90. |