Tag: Marriage

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: 50/50

Rubber Chicken A young man watched as an elderly couple sat down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, etc, until each had exactly half.

Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, but his wife just sat watching him.

The young man felt sorry for them and asked “I’m sorry to intrude, but would you allow me to purchase another meal for your wife so that you don’t have to split your food?”

The old gentleman said, “Oh, no, thank you. But you see, we’ve been married a long time, and everything has always been shared, 50/50.”

The young man said, “Wow! That’s commendable.” He then turned to the wife and asked, “Aren’t you going to eat your share?”

The wife replied “Not yet. It’s his turn to use the teeth.”

 

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: High Blood Pressure

Rubber Chicken When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.”

“Your mother’s side or your father’s?”

“Neither,” he replied. “It’s from my wife’s family.”

“Oh, come now, how could your wife’s family give you high blood pressure?”

He sighed. “You oughta meet ’em sometime, Doc!”
 

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Still Single

Rubber Chicken Thomas is 32 years old and still single. One day, a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”

Thomas replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”

His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution. Just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”

A few months later, they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”

With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”

The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”

Thomas replied, “Now my father doesn’t like her.”

 

 

 

Funny

Like His Mother Used To Do

He didn’t like the casserole
And he didn’t like my cake.

He said my biscuits were too hard…
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn’t make the coffee right
He didn’t like the stew,

I didn’t mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.

Then I smacked him upside his head —
Like his mother used to do.

 

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