Tag: Marriage

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: A Bad Memory

Joke Of The Day: A Bad Memory I was talking with a group of friends.

“Yeah, I’ll never forget the time we took this trip to Del Rio, Texas…”, when my wife chimed in with, “Oh, no sweetie. It wasn’t Del Rio, it was Galveston. Don’t you remember? We stopped at that nice bed and breakfast?”

“Galveston? Really? Okay, well, it doesn’t matter. Anyway, we took this trip to Galveston and we were driving our old Buick…”

She piped up again. “Darling, no. Don’t you remember? It wasn’t the Buick – we took the Bronco! Remember? You spilled your coffee on the seats?”

“Was it? I thought it was… okay, again, it doesn’t matter. So, okay, we took the Bronco to Galveston. And on the way, we stopped at this Cracker Barrel restaurant…”

“Sweetheart,” she interrupted again, “Oh, your memory is so bad! It wasn’t a Cracker Barrel. It was a Denny’s!”

I’d finally had enough. I turned to her and I said, “Woman, that is the last time you’re going to bust in to my story and correct me. I am the MAN of the family, and what I say is LAW! If you interrupt me just one more time, I’m going to smack you into tomorrow!”

You know, I didn’t see that woman again for five days. For five days I didn’t see that woman.

On the sixth day, I could see her a little bit out of my left eye…

 

 

 

Funny Jokes

Why Aren’t You Married Yet?

Snappy Comebacks to the age old question “Why aren’t you married yet?”

  1. You haven’t asked yet.
  2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
  3. What? And spoil my great sex life?
  4. Why aren’t you thin yet?
  5. Because I just love hearing this question.
  6. Just lucky, I guess.
  7. It gives my mother something to live for.
  8. My fiancee is awaiting his/her parole.
  9. I’m still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
  10. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?
  11. I’m waiting until I get to be your age.
  12. It didn’t seem worth a blood test.
  13. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
  14. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
  15. My co-op board doesn’t allow spouses.
  16. I’d have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
  17. They just opened a great singles bar on my block.
  18. I wouldn’t want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
  19. I guess it just goes to prove that you can’t trust those voodoo doll rituals.
  20. What? And lose all the money I’ve invested in running personal ads?
  21. We really want to, but my lover’s spouse just won’t go for it.
  22. I don’t want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
  23. Nobody would believe me in white.
  24. I’m married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.
  25. (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

 

Amusing

Woman Allergic To Her Husband

BBC News reports on the case of Johanna Watkins who has a rare disorder (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome) that has caused her to become allergic to a whole bunch of stuff, including the scent of her husband. The allergy only developed after they got married.

At this point, they live in the same house but can no longer get close to each other. Instead they communicate via phone. Their “date night” involves watching a show together: “he will be three floors below me in a room on his laptop and I will be on mine and we’ll watch the show at the same time and then text about it as we’re watching it.”

Woman Allergic To Her Husband

This reminds me of the 1949 case of Joyce Holdridge, aka the “Allergic Bride,” who broke out in a rash every time she was near her husband. She was the first reported case of a wife who developed an allergy to her husband. (I wrote a fairly long article about her for about.com, but it looks like about.com has since deleted it.)

After the Holdridge case, quite a few women came forward claiming to be allergic to their husband. So allergic wives are definitely a recurring theme in weird news. For whatever reason, cases of husbands who are allergic to their wives are much rarer (although not nonexistent).

 
Source…

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Ordering In

Joke Of The Day: Ordering In My wife and I both work, so our family eats out a lot.

Recently, when we were having a rare home-cooked meal, I handed a glass to my three-year-old and told her to drink her milk.

She looked at me bewildered and replied, “But I didn’t order milk.”

 

 

 

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