Random Thoughts About Life in General

1. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

2. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

3. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

4. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.

5. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

6. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

7. Was learning to write in cursive really necessary?

8. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

9. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

10. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.. Stay strong, brothers & sisters!

11. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

12. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

13. Bad decisions make good stories.

14. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

15. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

16. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? D@mnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

17. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

18. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

19. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The Best, Worst, and Deadliest Roads in America

I wonder how many of the states with the worst roads are run by Liberals? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?


America is spending more money to build, maintain, and improve the roads, and it’s paying off—give or take a few stretches of pavement and a few bridge spans. Rural interstates are shaping up, for instance, but their heavily traveled urban counterparts are getting worse. The percentage of deficient bridges has increased for the first time in 25 years, and as almost any driver will attest, congestion isn’t going away. But these trends are more than offset by good news about fatalities—sharply down year over year from 2006 to 2008 (though in 2008, 37,261 Americans died in accidents—more than double the number who died from homicides). To quantify how America’s roads and drivers are doing, we factored in the latest data for spending, congestion, road and bridge condition, and safety to see how our states rate. Here’s what you, your legislators, and your local highway officials can do to fix things and how you can stay alive while you drive.

THE RANKINGS:

Read more…


Some Funny Facts

In the 1400’s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have ‘the rule of thumb’!

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled ‘Gentlemen Only…Ladies Forbidden’…and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness:
28%
(now get this…)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness:
38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$16,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter:
Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades – King David
Hearts – Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds – Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson.
Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.

In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase……… ‘goodnight, sleep tight.’

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the Honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts… So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them ‘Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.’ It’s where we get the phrase ‘mind your P’s and Q’s’!

Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. ‘Wet your whistle’ is the phrase inspired by this practice.

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

Mental Hospital Phone Menu

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.

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