Joke Of The Day: The Queue

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Dec 242014
 
Rubber Chicken A famous lawyer, who had been a public defender for years, dies. He finds himself standing at the back of an enormous queue outside the gates of Heaven. The queue before him is enormous. The number of people who die in a single day appalls him. He can barely see St Peter sitting up on a podium outside the gates with a large book.

Every now and then St Peter glances down the queue to see how he is going. Suddenly he catches the eye of the lawyer. He looks very surprised. He jumps down from the podium and comes running along the line until slightly out of breath he arrives beside the lawyer.

He embraces him. He pulls him out of the queue and motions for him to come to the front of the queue.

Another person questions what is happening and another angel speaks to the person. Word is passed along the queue and the lawyer is surprised, as people start nodding and clapping. He becomes embarrassed by all the attention and asks St Peter why he is getting the special attention.

St Peter stops suddenly and looks concerned.

“You are a lawyer aren’t you?’

“Yes” the lawyer replies. “Does this happen to all lawyers in heaven?”

“Oh, no, “Said St Peter. “It’s just you are the first one to ever get here.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: A Lawyer’s Charity

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Nov 212014
 
Rubber Chicken The Board of the prominent town charity had always hoped for a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer. So when the charity’s new Director was hired, she thought she would impress the Board by getting a big check out of him.

She made an appointment with the lawyer and visited him in his lavish office. She opened the meeting by saying, “Our research shows that even though your annual income is over ten million dollars, you don’t give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give something back to your community through the town charity?”

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, “First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?”

Embarrassed, the new Director mumbles, “Uh… no, I didn’t know that.”

“Secondly,” says the lawyer, “my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children.”

The stricken charity representative begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

“Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister’s husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a big mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled, and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?”

The humiliated Director, completely beaten, says, “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“So,” the lawyer concludes, “if I don’t give them any money, what makes you think I’d ever give any to you?”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Doctor Or Lawyer

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Nov 152014
 
Rubber Chicken A lawyer’s son was about to enter college. He asked his son “Now how did it get into your head that you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?”

“Well dad,” answered the son, “Did you ever hear anybody in a crowd gathered around a heart-attack victim shout out frantically, ‘Is there a lawyer in the house?'”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Entrance Into Heaven

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Aug 182014
 
Rubber Chicken A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?”

The lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.”

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true.

Saint Peter said, “Well, that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.”

The Lawyer said, “Wait, wait! There’s more! Three years ago, I also gave a homeless person a quarter.”

Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment, nodded back to affirm that it was true.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?”

Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”