Lying on his deathbed, the wealthy Mr. Sams was instructing his attorney on last-minute changes in his will.
“I wish to leave everything I own, all stocks, bonds property, art, and money, to my wife. However, there is one stipulation.”
“And that is?”
“In order to inherit, she must marry within six months of my death.”
The lawyer seemed puzzled. “Why make such an unusual request?”
Mr. Sams answered, “Because I want someone to be sorry I died.”
An elderly man, 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn’t have long to live. So he summoned the three most important people in his life to tell them of his fate:
1. His Doctor
2. His Priest
3. His Lawyer
He said, “Well, today I found out I don’t have long to live. So, I have summoned you three here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am going to give each of you an envelope with $50,000 dollars inside. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money into my grave.”
After the man passed on, the three people happened to run into each other.
The doctor said, “I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money. He owed me from lots of medical bills. But, I threw the other $40,000 in like he requested.
“The Priest said, “I have to admit also, I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. It’s all going to a good cause. I did, however, throw the other $25,000 in the grave.”
Well the Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing! “I am surprised at you two for taking advantage of him like that. I wrote a check for the full amount and threw it all in!”
At a convention of biological scientists, one prominent researcher remarked to another, “Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?”
“Really?” the other researcher replied. “Why did you switch?”
“Well, for three reasons. First, we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don’t get so attached to them. And third, there are some things even a rat won’t do.”
The lawyer says, “It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues.”
The doctor remarks: “It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life.”
The manager differs by saying: “I don’t agree with both of you. I think it’s best to have both. So when the wife thinks you’re with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife – you can go to the office and finish some work.”