A woman holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks if she can use the store’s baby scale.
“Sorry, ma’am,” says the storekeeper. “Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby’s weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the mother’s weight.”
“Oh, that won’t work,” says the woman.
“Why not?” asks the man.
“Well,” she says, “I’m not the mother — I’m the aunt.”
Australian gets off the plane in New York City, gets a car but doesn’t know we drive on the right. Cop pulls him over and says, “did you come here to die?”