Joke Of The Day: A Ventriloquist Career Change

Joke Of The Day: A Ventriloquist Career Change There was a ventriloquist who had no work for six months. He went to his agent and told him he needed work badly.

The agent said, “There’s no call for ventriloquists, but if you were a psychic, I could get you plenty of work.” So this ventriloquist went home and hung out a psychic sign.

An hour later, a woman knocks on the door: “I want to talk to my deceased husband–how much will it cost?”

The ventriloquist says, “If you talk to him, $50; if he talks to you, $100; and if you talk to each other while I’m drinking coffee, that’s $200.”
 

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: On a Transcontinental Train

Joke Of The Day: On a Transcontinental Train A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly… he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

“I have a better idea,” she replied. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”

“Wow! That’s a great idea!” he exclaimed.

“Good,” she replied. “Get your own blanket!”

After a moment of silence, he passed gas.

 

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Twelve Again

Joke Of The Day: Twelve Again A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off

He asked what she’d like to have for her Birthday.

‘I’d like to be twelve again’, she replied,

Still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,

And then took her to Alton Towers theme park.

What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park;

The Death Slide, the Corkscrew,

The Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there Was.

Five hours later, they staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling, and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald’s

Where he ordered her a Happy Meal

With extra fries and a chocolate shake…

Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn,

A huge Cola, and her favorite sweets……M&M’s…

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband

And collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile

And lovingly asked,

‘Well, Dear, what was it like being twelve again?’

Her eyes slowly opened

And her expression suddenly changed.

‘I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!’

 

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Ultimate Question

Joke Of The Day: The Ultimate Question A Shaolin monk, a great philosopher and a minister were walking down a country road and came upon a young farm boy. At that moment, the four of them looked up to see a chicken crossing the road.

The question arose, why does the chicken cross the road?

The Shaolin monk said it’s the destiny of the chicken to seek its own path.

The great philosopher said its action teaches a lesson in the ways of nature, much like life itself.

The minister said it’s because it follows the plan of our maker under his divine rule.

Just then, the young farm boy spoke up, “Actually, it’s because I left the chicken coop door open.”

 

 

 

 

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