Joke Of The Day

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance.

1. A dog
2. A donkey
3. A shovel
4. A fish
5. A Star of David

They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols.

They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings.

The President of their Society stood up, pointed at the first drawing and said, “This looks like a dog. We can judge that this was a highly intelligent race as they knew how to have animals for companionship. To prove this statement you, can see that the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were even smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish, which means that they had a famine that hit the earth whereby the food didn’t grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.”

The audience applauded enthusiastically, the President smiled and said, “I’m glad to see that you are all in full agreement with our interpretations.”

Suddenly a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, “I object to every word. The explanation of what the writings say is quite simple. First of all, everyone knows that Hebrews don’t read from left to right, but from right to left… Now, look again….. It now says: “HOLY MACKEREL, DIG THE ASS ON THAT BITCH!”

Joke Of The Day

A man goes in to see his rabbi. He says, “I think my wife is trying to poison me.”

The rabbi says, “I’ll speak with her.”

The next day, the rabbi says, “I spent three hours yesterday talking with your wife. Take the poison.”

Joke Of The Day

A man walked into the Lingerie Department of Macy’s in New York City. He tells the saleslady, I would like a Jewish bra for my wife, size 34B.

With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, What kind of bra?

He repeated A Jewish bra. She said to tell you she wanted a Jewish bra and you would know what she wanted.

Ah, now I remember, said the saleslady. We don’t get as many requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra.

Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked So, what are the differences?

The saleslady responded. It is all really quite simple. The Catholic bra supports the masses. The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright.

He mused on that information for a minute and said: Hmmm. I know I’ll regret asking, but what does the Jewish bra do?

A Jewish bra, she replied, makes mountains out of molehills.

Joke Of The Day

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?”

“I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”

“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No, Chinese Jews.”

“Are you sure?” Al asked.

“I will check again, sir,” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.”

When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.”

“Are you really sure?” Al asked again.

“I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”

“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews.”

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