Joke Of The Day

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Apr 022010
 

Obama dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates.

He is very excited; all his life he’s had a secret wish & longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack meets a man with a beard. ‘Are you Mohammed?’ he asks.

‘No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.’ Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, ‘Are you Mohammed?’

‘No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.’

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder; yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.

Full of hope, he asks again, ‘Are you Mohammed?’

‘No, I am Jesus… You will find Mohammed higher up.’

Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man! Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.

Once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question: ‘Are you Mohammed?’ he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.

‘No, my son…. I am Almighty God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a cup of coffee..?’

‘Yes! Please, my Lord,’ Obama exclaims.

God looks behind him, claps his hands and yells out: ‘Hey Mohammed– two coffees!’

Putting The Country Back Together

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Feb 022010
 

A father wanted to read a magazine but was being bothered by his little girl, Shelby.

She wanted to know what the United States looked like. Finally, he tore a page out of his new magazine on which was printed the map of the country.

Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Shelby and said, “Go into the other room and see if you can put this together. This will show you our whole country today.”

After a few minutes, Shelby returned and handed him the map correctly fitted together.

The father was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly.

“Oh,” she said, “on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got all of Jesus back where He belonged, then our country just came together.”

Joke Of The Day: Jesus and the Democrat

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Dec 122009
 

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?”

The waitress nodded “yes,” so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus, over there?”

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “My treat.”

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there honey! How’s about gettin’ me a cold mug of Miller Light?” He too looked across the restaurant and asked, “Isn’t that God’s boy over there?

The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. “On my bill,” he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.

The Democrat jumped up and yelled, “Don’t touch me … I’m collecting disability.”

Joke Of The Day

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Sep 292009
 

A young man just received his driving license . He asks his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

“I’ll make a deal with you,” said his father. “You bring up your grades, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and then we’ll talk.”

No less than a month later, the boy comes back and asks his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

“Son, I’m really proud of you. You’ve brought your grades up and you’ve studied your Bible, but you haven’t gotten your hair cut!”

“You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.”

“Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!”

Joke Of The Day: The Lie Clock

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Jul 092009
 

A man died and went to heaven.

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him..

He asked, ‘What are all those clocks?’

St. Peter answered, ‘Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.’

‘Oh,’ said the man, ‘whose clock is that?’

‘That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.’

‘Incredible,’ said the man. ‘And whose clock is that one?’

St. Peter responded, ‘That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.’

‘Where’s Barrack Obama’s clock?’ asked the man.

‘Obama’s clock is in Jesus’ office.
He’s using it as a ceiling fan.

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