Tag: Irish

Jokes

An Irish Blonde

An Irish Blonde

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. “Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,…. but all men…are men!

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Second Opinion

Joke Of The Day: Second Opinion One day Paddy goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.

He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist, and says “Could you taste this for me, please?”

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

“Does that taste sweet to you?” says Paddy.

“No, not at all,” says the chemist.

“Oh that’s a relief,” says Paddy. “The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”

 

 

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The Irish Cop

Joke Of The Day: The Irish Cop A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop’s expense!

Irish cop says, “License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says, “What for?”

Irish cop says, “Ye did nae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

Irish cop says,”Ye still did nae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”

Irish cop says, “The difference is, ye have come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”

London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

Irish cop says, “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.”

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living crap out of the lawyer and says,

“Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?”

 

 

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Irish Sunday School

Joke Of The Day: Irish Sunday School

A true story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher

 
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?”

“NO!” the children answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, manicured the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?”

Again, the answer was “NO!”

“If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?”

Again, they all answered “NO!”

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, “Then how can I get into heaven?”

A little boy shouted out: “YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN ‘ DEAD!”

It’s a curious race, the Irish.

 

 

 

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