Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, ‘Dat’s dem.’ The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. ‘Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,’ says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry’s truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, ‘Dis looks like a grand place.’ He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, ‘Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook’n dangerous for me!’
THERE’S MORE…
Moment’s later; Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He’s been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a hotgun in the other. ‘Hi, Paddy, watch dis,’ Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, ‘And I’m never trying dat parrotshooting either!’
IT IS NOT OVER YET…
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Seana appears. He’s also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head. ‘Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting… And now Sean and his fook’n hengliding!’
Here is another clip from Britain’s Got Talent 2009. This act is original and funny. I’m not sure what they could do for an encore. My guess is that they would pretty much be a one trick pony but their performance is fantastically funny all the same.
Britain’s Got Talent duo Stavros Flatley have revealed their comedy dance routine was dreamt up to entertain diners at a family restaurant.
Greek-Cypriot Demetrios Demetriou, 40, and son Lagi, 14, wowed viewers and judges on Saturday with their version of Michael Flatley’s Irish dance troupe Riverdance.
Demetrios explained: “Ten years ago I owned a Greek restaurant.
“The food wasn’t great and Gordon Ramsay would have hated it. We did a bit of cabaret and then we relied on that more as the food wasn’t good.
“I needed a finale to get people dancing. Michael Flatley was big at the time so I decided to give it a go.
“What is funnier than a fat fella doing Michael Flatley?” He pledged to jazz up the routine if they go all the way on the ITV1 show and said: “I’m feeding Lagi up for the finals.”
As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in place.
I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played out my heart and soul.
As I played the workers began to weep. I played and I played like I’d never played before, from Going Home and The Lord is My Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest. I closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, “Sweet Jeezuz, Mary’n Joseph, I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
