Joke Of The Day: An Irish Confession

Rubber Chicken A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’

The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’

The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’

The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box.’

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that! You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’

The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Irish Gas Station

Rubber Chicken Taking a wee break from the golf course, Rory McIlroy drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station.

An attendant greets him in a typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is. “Top o’ the mornin to ya.”

As Rory gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.

“What are those things, laddie?” asks the attendant.

“They’re called tees,” replies Rory.

“And what would ya be usin ’em for, now?” inquires the Irishman.

“Well, they’re for resting my balls on when I drive,” replies Rory.

“Aw, Jaysus, Maryan’ Joseph!” exclaims the Irish attendant. “Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything!”

 

 

Annoying Your Girlfriend While Shopping!

Annoying Your Girlfriend While Shopping!

Puns galore!

Enjoy!

Irish comedian and video blogger Cian Twomey has created a compilation of a series of cringeworthy food-related puns he bombarded his girlfriend Emily with while doing their shopping at a grocery store.

Source…

 

Joke Of The Day: Three Irishmen Adrift At Sea

Rubber Chicken Three Irishmen are adrift at sea. They are terribly thirsty.

Suddenly a mermaid comes up and says “I’ll shall grant you one wish.”

Without thinking one of the Irishman says “I want you to turn the sea to Guinness.”

The mermaid said. “Let it be done” And so the sea was turned to Guinness.

Then one of the other Irishman said “Sh*t, where we gonna piss?”

 

 

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