Joke Of The Day: The Gift Certificate

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May 032018
 
Joke Of The Day: The Gift Certificate On his 74th birthday an old man received a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, “This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoon and then say ‘1-2-3’.” When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.”

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”

“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,'” the medicine man responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”

The man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he quickly took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes as she asked “What was the 1-2-3 for?”

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

 

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Hunting With My Wife

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May 022018
 
Joke Of The Day: Hunting With My Wife A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion.

The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”

The host said, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife.”

“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.

“My wife.”

 

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Baba’s Shaving Cream

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May 012018
 
Joke Of The Day: Baba's Shaving Cream A marketing guy was interviewing people on the street had button-holed a guy and was asking him a series of questions which went like this…

Which shaving cream do you use?

The gent answered, Baba’s, and the guy proceeded to answer each of the interviewer’s following questions with the same answer, Baba’s…

Which aftershave do you use?

Which deodorant do you use?

Which toothpaste do you use?

Which shampoo do you use?

Which soap do you use?

Finally, a bit frustrated, the interviewer asked,

“Ok, tell me, What is this ‘Baba’? Is it an international or foreign company?”

The guy replies. . . .

“No, he’s my room-mate!”

 

 

 

 

Guns – Good Question, Better Answer!

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Apr 302018
 

Guns – Good Question, Better Answer!

For those that don’t know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian General.

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.

Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws, you have to love this!

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

This is a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?

The broadcast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, the interview was over.