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A man dies and goes to heaven. The next thing he knows he’s standing next to the Lord Himself, so he asks, “God, why is it you made women so beautiful?”
God replies, “So that you would love them.” The man goes on and asks, “Another question, Lord. Why did you make them smell so good?” God replies, “So that you would love them.” Then the guy says, “Just one more question, my Lord… Why in the name of all that’s holy did you make them so stupid?” God replies, “So that they would love you!”
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Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first man if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven.
The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a mid-sized car. The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car. A week later the three guys met in a parking lot in heaven. The man driving the luxury car began to cry. “What’s the matter?” the other two men asked. He replied, “I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!”
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A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven – others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.
After watching Satan do this several times, the fellows curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder. ‘Excuse me, Prince of Darkness,’ he said.’ I’m waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn’t help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?’ ‘Ah, those…’ Satan said with a groan.’ They’re all from Seattle; they’re too wet to burn!’
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