Tag: Heaven

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Cars In Heaven

Rubber Chicken Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first man if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven.

The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a mid-sized car.

The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car.

A week later, the three guys met in a parking lot in heaven. The man driving the luxury car began to cry.

“What’s the matter?” the other two men asked.

He replied, “I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Henry Ford Goes To Heaven

Rubber Chicken Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobile, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.”

Ford thinks about it and says, “I wanna hang out with God, himself.”

The befeathered fellow at the gate takes Ford to the Throne Room and introduces him to God.

Ford then asks God, “Hey, aren’t you the inventor of Woman?”

God says, “Ah, yes.”

“Well,” says Ford, You have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There’s too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much, and
4. The intake is placed to close to the exhaust.”

“Hmmm..” replies God, “hold on.” God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result.

The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. “It may be that my invention is flawed,” God replies to Henry Ford, “but according to my Computer, more men are riding my invention than yours.”

 

 

Riddles

Random Riddle: 11-17-2013

There’s a fork in the road to Heaven, where one way leads to Hell. At this fork in the road, two twin brothers live who are exactly alike, except that one always tells the truth and the other one always lies.

What single question can you ask one of them to find the way to Heaven?
 

 Riddle

 

Jokes Political

Joke Of The Day: Clocks

Rubber Chicken A man died and went to heaven, where he met St. Peter sitting at a desk in the middle of a great hall. On the walls were millions of clocks.

“What are those used for?” he asked.

St. Peter said, “There’s one of them for every living person on Earth ticking out the days of their lives.”

The newcomer noticed that the hands of some of the clocks were moving faster than others. “Why do they move at different speeds?” he asked.

St. Peter said, “Every time you tell a lie, you lose one hour of your life and your clock speeds up.”

The newcomer looked around and then asked, “Do you have one of these for my local politician?”

St. Peter answered, “Sure! It’s in the back room. We use it for a ceiling fan.”

 

 

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