Tag: Halloween
Halloween Groaners
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make? Boo-boos.
What kind of cereal do monsters eat? Ghost Toasties.
What does Tweety Bird say on Halloween? Twick or tweet.
Where do spooks water ski? Lake Erie.
Where do ghosts mail their letters? The Ghost Office.
What’s a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The roller ghoster.
How do you mend a broken Jack-O-Lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
When does a skeleton laugh? When something tickles his funny bone.
Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
What do goblins mail while on vacation? Ghostcards.
What’s a ghost’s favorite party game? Hide and go shriek.
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet? Boo-ties.
What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost? You look boo-tiful tonite.
What is a ghosts favorite article of clothing? Boo jeans.
What does a ghost put on his cereal? Boonanas and booberries.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up.
What is a monster’s favorite snack? Ghoul Scout Cookies.
What did the skeleton say while riding his motorcycle? I’m bone to be wild.
Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist. Because he likes to draw blood.
What is a vampire’s favorite candy? A red sucker.
What do ghosts put in their coffee? Scream and sugar.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spookgetti.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Why was the ghost such a messy eater? Because he was always goblin his food.
What tops off a ghosts ice cream sundae? Whipped scream.
What’s a mummies favorite type of music? Wrap.
What song do vampires hate? You Are My Sunshine.
What type of monster really loves dance music? The Boogieman.
Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? Someplace he can boo-gie.
Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal event? A boo-tie.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? He didn’t have a haunting license.
Where did the goblin throw the football? Over the ghoul line.
What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghostie.
What kind of makeup do goblins wear? Mas-scare-a.
Which building do vampires hang out at in New York? The Vampire State Building.
What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon? A sour puss.
Which instrument do skeletons play? The trom-bone.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts.
How do you know vampires like baseball? Every night they turn into bats.
What is it like to be kissed by a vampire? A real pain in the neck.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine? To stop his coffin.
What do you call two witches living together? Broommates.
What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.
Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid to relax and unwind.
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos, of course.
What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound.
Why did the vampire quit the baseball team? They would only let him be the bat boy.
Joke Of The Day: A True Irish Ghost Story
This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, its said to be true!
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.. only to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn’t on
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a bend approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the bend, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and…. wasn’t drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other…
‘Look Paddy…..there’s that fooking idiot that got in the car while
we were pushing it!’
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