Tag: Groaner

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Night Fishing

Rubber Chicken Off the coast of Newfoundland, a great many fishermen do their fishing at night. They navigate solely by the light of the moon, scorning more sophisticated methods. Of course, from time to time this method fails, and shipwrecks are the result.

The Department of Fisheries was reviewing statistics one day and was shocked to discover how many shipwrecks there were during night fishing. When they discovered that the fishermen were navigating by the light of the moon, they promptly installed buoys near all the dangerous shoals and reefs to aid night navigation. To their surprise, when the statistics came in the following month, the shipwrecks had tripled! The buoys were removed, and things returned to normal.

The moral of the story: You can’t send a buoy to do a moon’s job!

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Peanuts

Rubber Chicken A man walks into a health-food restaurant after a day at the office, sits down, and orders a nice big dish of brown rice and stir-fry veggies.

He grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter by the cash register while he’s waiting for his order, and as he starts to chew he hears a voice say, “That’s a beautiful tie. Is that silk? Very NICE choice!”

Wondering who would make such a strange comment, he looks around and doesn’t see anyone near him who could’ve been speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.

Next he hears a voice, “Those shoes are stylin,’ my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!”

He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.

A little weirded out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, “That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!”

He immediately calls the waiter over and says, “Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look. What’s up with that? Am I going CRAZY?”

“Oh,” the waiter nonchalantly replies, “those are just the peanuts.”

“The PEANUTS?” the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

“Yes,” replies the waiter, “they’re complimentary!”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Odd Symptoms

Rubber Chicken A man gets an emergency appointment with his doctor because he has some alarming and “odd” symptoms.

“Like what?” the doctor asks.

“Well, when I got up this morning, I put on a pair of white gloves and started calling my wife Minnie.”

“That’s pretty weird,” the doctor agreed.

“Then, on the way to work, I couldn’t help singing, ‘Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it’s off to work I go.'”

“Kind of strange,” the doctor said, “but everybody gets songs stuck in their heads sometimes.”

“That’s not the worst of it,” the man said. “Once I got to the office, I couldn’t help it: I started calling everyone Happy, Grumpy, Dopey and so on. What’s the matter with me?”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve got it,” the doctor says. “You’re having Disney spells.”

 

 

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