Joke Of The Day: The Naked Spa

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Feb 062015
 
Rubber Chicken An old man decided to pay a Naked Spa a visit. After registering for a new membership and changing into his birthday suit, he decided to take a walk around the place all naked and stuff.

Along the way, he saw a young naked woman who gave him a boner. The woman noticed him, so she walked over to him and said “can I help you?” The old man seemed perplexed and said “excuse me?” “Oh, you must be new here,” she said, “you should know that this is a sign of wanting my attention.” And just like that, the young woman took him by the arm, sat on a towel near the pool, and had her way with him.

Pleased with his first day thus far, the old man decided to try the sauna, where a burly man was also inside. Before the sauna could turn on, the old man farted. The burly man noticed him, so he turned and asked “can I help you?” The old man seemed perplexed yet worried, and said “excuse me?” “Oh, you must be new here,” he said, “you should know that this is a sign of wanting my attention.” So the burly man went over to the old man, wrapped his arm around him, and had his way with him.

The old man furiously walked over to the naked register lady and demanded a cancellation to his subscription and a refund. The lady seemed puzzled and asked him what was the matter. “when I got a boner, a lady noticed me and I had my way with her,” he scoffed, “then when I farted, a man noticed me and then had his way with me!” The register woman blinked in confusion. “Yes, sir. These are our signs for attracting attention from both a woman and a man,” she said, “what’s wrong?”

“Lady, I get a boner once every two weeks, and fart eighty times a day!”

 

 

Feb 012015
 
Rubber Chicken A man is going to pick a girl up for a date, but before he goes his mom offers him his favorite baked beans. He couldn’t resist and ended up having 3 bowls.

He’s driving over to the girl’s house when he notices that his stomach is acting up on him. He ignores it and knocks on the door. The girl’s dad answers and tells him to wait on the couch next to the dog while the girl gets ready.

The man is waiting when he suddenly gets the urge to fart. Since he really has to let it out, he figures he could just move a little closer to the dog, Duke, and blame it on him. Well he lets it rip and it was loud and disgusting. The father walks in and yells, “DUKE!”. The man’s plan worked, so he lets out another fart. “DUKE!” the father screams again.

Now, the girl comes downstairs, so the man decides to let out one more fart to get him through the car ride, hoping the dog will take the blame once again. PPPPFFFFFFFTTTTT

“DUKE!”, the father yells, “MOVE BEFORE HE SHITS ON YOU”.

 

 

Joke Of The Day: An Intense Debate

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Jan 232015
 
Rubber Chicken Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said “It’s wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb”.

The second said “no, it’s woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa.”

A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: “I think the word you are looking for is ‘womb.'”

They both turn to him and say “Clearly, you’ve never heard a hippopotamus fart underwater!”