Tag: Emails

Funny

Funny Facts

Funny Facts

Funny FactsIf swimming is a good exercise to stay FIT,
Why are whales FAT?

Why is the place in a stadium where people SIT,
called a STAND?

Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN,
but nobody wants to DIE.

Shall I say that there is racial discrimination even in chess…
As the WHITE piece is moved FIRST.

In our country,
We have FREEDOM of SPEECH,
Then why do we have TELEPHONE BILLS?

If money doesn’t grow on TREES,
then why do banks have BRANCHES?

Why doesn’t GLUE
stick to its BOTTLE ?

Why do you still call it a BUILDING,
when it’s already BUILT?

If its true that we are here to HELP others,
What are others HERE for?

If you aren’t supposed to DRINK and DRIVE…
Why do bars have PARKING lots?

If All The Nations In The World Are In Debt,
Were Did All The Money Go?

When Dog Food Is New With Improved Taste,
Who Tests It?

If The “Black Box” Flight Recorder Is Never Damaged During A Plane Crash,
Why Isn’t The Whole Airplane Made Out Of That Stuff..?

Who Copyrighted
The Copyright Symbol..?

Why Do People Say “You’ve Been Working Like A Dog”,
When Dogs Just Sit Around All Day?

 

Funny

Adam & Eve’s Pets

Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.’”

And God said, “I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or un-lovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

Adam And Eve's Pets 1

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And God said, “I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”

Adam And Eve's Pets 2

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

Adam And Eve's Pets 3

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, ‘Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.’

And God said, “I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.”

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

Adam And Eve's Pets 3

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

Adam And Eve's Pets 4

And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.

Adam And Eve's Pets 5

And God was pleased..
And Dog was happy.

Adam And Eve's Pets 6

And the Cat . . . 

Adam And Eve's Pets 7

didn’t give a sh*t one way or the other. (Please excuse the cat’s language!)

 

Funny Political

Hillary Clinton Unhurt In Air Crash

The Associated Press reports that Hillary Clinton narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern New Jersey because of bad weather.

National Transportation Safety Board officials have issued a preliminary determination that pilot error contributed to the accident, and that Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR [instrument flight rating] conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board, investigators said. No one on the ground was injured.

A photograph (below), taken at the scene, shows the extent of damage to Clinton’s aircraft.

Aviation experts say Clinton was very lucky not to have been injured in the crash:

Hillary Clinton Unhurt In Air Crash

 

Funny Jokes

Tyrone

None of his classmates liked him cause of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, “You’re driving me insane, Tyrone”.

One day Tyrone ‘s mom came to school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mom honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career.

The mom was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have heart surgery, which only one surgeon could perform.

Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful. When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her.

She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died.

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Tyrone, working as a janitor in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner!

Don’t tell me you thought the story was about how Tyrone became a heart-surgeon.

 

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