A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the
car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”
The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”
A woman with really hairy underarms boards a crowded bus.
Unable to find a seat, she settles for hanging onto one of the poles.
A drunk man next to her stares at her for three minutes, then tells her, “I love a woman that does aerobics.”
The woman replies angrily, “I don’t DO aerobics!”
The drunk man then looks at the woman and says, “Then how did you get your leg up so high?”
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.”
Our wasted friend asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”
Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple.”
Priceless!
An Ontario man is facing charges after he and his buddies constructed a motorized picnic table and drove it around town.
Police said they attached a lawnmower motor and four customized wheels to the picnic table and took it for a spin on Sunday evening.
But the joy ride came to a sudden end when residents called police to complain about the group scooting around London’s streets, allegedly with open booze.
When officers found the table parked on a sidewalk, they charged a 46-year-old South Huron, Ont., man with having an open container of liquor in a public place.
