Joke Of The Day

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Dec 032008
 

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale .’ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

‘You talk?’ he asks.
‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’

The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’

‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’

‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

The guy is amazed.
He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.

‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing!
Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

‘Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that.’

13 Golf Balls Found Inside ‘Rattling’ Dog

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Sep 062008
 

It’s a good thing the dog never farted… he could have shot and killed his owner.

Balls found inside ‘rattling’ dog


A dog had to have 13 golf balls removed from its stomach after eating them on walks around a Fife course.

Owner Chris Morrison had been taking five-year-old black labrador Oscar round the Pitreavie golf course in Dunfermline for several months.

He took Oscar to the vet after noticing a rattling sound coming from his pet’s stomach.

They then discovered that 13 balls – each weighing 45 grams – were lodged in his stomach.

Mr Morrison, a planning administrator, said one of the balls had been in his stomach so long that it had turned black and was decomposing.

He said: “He finds golf balls like truffles. We’re not sure how long exactly this happened over, but it must have been a fair period – several months at least.

“I felt his stomach and heard them rattling around.

“He normally brings a few home, but I had no idea he had eaten so many.

“The vet hadn’t seen anything like it, it was bizarre.

“He is a black lab so he is a fair size, but to swallow 13 is quite amazing.”

The balls were removed two weeks ago in a successful hour-long operation.

Bag full

Oscar is now on the road to making a full recovery on a special post-operation diet of watered-down food.

He also has to wear a muzzle while out and about.

Mr Morrison added: “He does get a bit frustrated now and again.”

Bob Hesketh, 40, principal vet at Vetrica in Rosyth, said he had never seen anything like it.

He said: “It was like a magic trick. I opened him up and felt what I thought was two or three golf balls.

“But they just kept coming until we had a bag full.

“I think they must have been in there for several months, one was all black and the shell was swollen.”



A Dog’s Sixth Sense

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Jul 212008
 

Have you ever heard that a dog ‘knows’ when an earthquake is about to hit? Have you ever heard that a dog can ‘sense’ when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away? Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed? Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire? Somehow they always know when they can ‘go for a ride’ before you even ask and how do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?

I’m a firm believer that animals — and especially dogs — have keen insights into the Truth. And you can’t tell me that dogs can’t sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance. Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn’t right… when impending doom is upon us… they will always try to warn us.