Joke Of The Day

There’s a woman that has a big problem when it came to farting. She farts all the time, yet is never able to smell or hear them. So one day she decides to go to the doctor about the problem. She tells him how she is always leaving these long, hard farts that she can never smell or hear. The doctor thinks about it and sends her home with some pills, telling her to come back a week later.

When she comes back to his office, she tells him how she still is having these horrible farts, but now they smell like rotting eggs. The doctor’s only reaction to this was… “It’s good to know we cleared up your sinuses. Now to work on your hearing….”

Joke Of The Day

Dr. Timothy McCarthy while receiving a medical award for creativity reported his findings to the Fellows of Plastic Surgery concluding with this case study:

“Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman’s hair and the horse’s ass. I was able to put them together and now she’s Speaker of the House “.

 

 

Joke Of The Day

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness”. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be ok, you’ll walk again and everything, but……your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You’ve got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.” They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s $1,000 an inch.

The man perks up.

“So,” the doctor says, “you must decide how many inches you want.” But this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

“Yes I have,” says the man.

“And has she helped you make a decision?”

“Yes” says the man.

What is your decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite counter tops.”

Joke Of The Day: Two Doctors

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading,

“Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.”The town fathers were not too happy with the sign, and they proposed “Hysterias and Posteriors.”

The doctors didn’t find it acceptable, so they suggested “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

The town didn’t like that either and countered with “Catatonics and HighColonics.”

Thumbs down again. By now the story was in the papers, and suggestionsbegan rolling in:

“Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.”
“Minds and Behinds.”
“Lost Souls and Ass-holes.”
“Analysis and Anal Cysts.”
“Queers and Rears.”
“Nuts and Butts.”
“Freaks and Cheeks.”
“Loons and Moons.”

None of these satisfied one side or the other, but they finally settled on”Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds & Ends.”

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