My Worst Nightmare!

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Jan 242010
 

In my nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro, and I’m circumcised! Quickly I sat up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver’s license photo and it was that same color. Black.

I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. I realized it’s a wheelchair! That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I’m also disabled! I said to myself, aloud ‘This is impossible. It’s impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.’

‘It’s the pure and holy truth’, whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it’s my boyfriend. Just what I needed! I am a homosexual, and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend.

Oh, my God….. black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive! Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and Oh, noooooo….. I’m bald!

The telephone rings. It’s my brother.

He says, ‘Since Mom and Dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap…. Any job.’

Mom?… Dad?… Nooooooooo…. Now I’m also an unemployed orphan!

I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, and an orphan.

But he doesn’t get it. Frustrated, I hang up.

It’s then I realize I only have one hand!

With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out.

I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker…. Pacemaker?

Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood!

At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, ‘Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heart throb, have you decided what you are going to wear to Washington to see Obama?

Say it isn’t so! I can handle being a black, disabled, one armed, drug addicted, Jewish, homosexual on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please,

Oh dear God, please don’t tell me I’m a Democrat!

Joke Of The Day

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Jan 212010
 

Father O’Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington, D.C. parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly made a phone call.

The conversation went like this:

“Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi. How might I help you?”

“And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’Malley at St.Brigid’s. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads to take care of the matter?”

Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied, “Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!”

There was silence on the line for a moment, and Father O’Malley replied:

“Aye, that’s certainly true, but we are also obliged to first notify the next of kin.”

The Boston Tea Party

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Jan 202010
 

God bless all those who fought for their country yesterday. It was a very big day, but yet just another step in the fight back for our country!


‘It is to me a new and consolatory proof that wherever the people are well-informed they can be trusted with their own government; that whenever things get so far wrong as to attract their notice, they may be relied on to set them to rights.”

—Thomas Jefferson to Richard Price, January 8, 1789.

Two hundred and twenty-one years later, the sage of Monticello has been proven right again. Aroused and well-informed by a year of watching a liberal majority go very far wrong, Massachusetts voters handed a Senate seat held by Ted Kennedy for 47 years to Republican Scott Brown, a little known state senator from Wrenthem.

The resounding five-point victory in one of America’s most liberal states is an upset heard ’round Washington—and one that ought to force Democrats to rethink their entire agenda, national health care in particular. Despite an 11th-hour intervention by President Obama in a state he carried with ease only 14 months ago, state Attorney General Martha Coakley was routed even in such unlikely tea-party outposts as Andover (58%) and amid a large turnout for a midwinter special election.

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Hope and Change comes by way of Massachusetts!