Joke Of The Day

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Aug 182010
 

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side.”

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?”

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?”

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Illinois.”

Man Forced to Marry a Cow Faints at the Wedding

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Jun 162010
 

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?


A teenager collapsed during his marriage to a cow he had earlier been caught having sex with after claiming it had flirted with him.

Unemployed Ngurah Alit, 18, was seen in a Bali paddy field standing naked behind the animal.
He claimed he believed the cow was a young and beautiful woman, and it had seduced him with flattering compliments.

He was then forced to marry the cow to cleanse the coastal village of Yeh Embang of the bestiality.

But during the ritual Alit passed out as locals and police – drafted in to keep journalists at bay – looked on and his mother began screaming, according to Detik.com.

One villager said: ‘Poor kid. He’s actually a quiet kid.’

Alit quickly then became a widower when his new bride was drowned in the sea as part of the Pecaruan ritual. Alit was only symbolically drowned and bathed on the beach.

Chief Ida Bagus Legawa declared that the village had then been ‘cleansed’ from the ‘defilement from the incident.’

Source...


Animation Of The Day: Cows With Guns

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Jan 112009
 

“Cows With Guns” does for music, what Burger King did for Cows!


Music by Dana Lyons
Copyright 1996 Lyons Brothers Music (BMI)
http://www.cowswithguns.com
Animation by Bjorn-Magne Stuesol http://www.shagrat.net

Cows With Guns
by Dana Lyons

Intro
——
Am G Am

AmFat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren’t much fun
GCows aren’t Amfun

They eat to grow, grow to die
Die to be et at the hamburger fry
Cows well done

Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
No one imagined the great cow guru
Cows are one

He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal
Cow Tse Tongue

He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd
Cow doldrums

He mooed we must fight, escape or we’ll die
Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high
Bad cow pun

But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate
Cows are bummed

He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi
Cows with guns

They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
Cow well hung

Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
Run cows run!

He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
We are free roving bovines, we run free today

We will Ffight for bovine Cfreedom
And Ehold our large heads Amhigh
We will Frun free with the CBuffalo, or Edie
Cows with [Am]guns

They crashed the gate in a great stampede
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
Cows have fun

Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
Much cow dung

Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

The President said “enough is enough

These uppity cattle, its time to get tough”
Cow dung flung

The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef
Cows on buns

The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
They mooed their last moos,
they chewed their last hay
Cows out gunned

The order was given to turn cows to whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers

Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

Copyright 1996 Lyons Brothers Music (BMI)
PO Box 2627, Bellingham, WA 98227 USA