Tag: Church
Church Services Of The Future
Pastor: “Praise the Lord!”
Congregation: “Hallelujah!”
Pastor: “Will everyone please turn on their tablet, PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1 Cor 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon.”
P-a-u-s-e……
“Now, Let us pray committing this week into God’s hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook, and chat with God”
S-i-l-e-n-c-e
“As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready. You can log on to the church wi-fi using the password ‘Lord909887. The ushers will circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers:
Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church. Those who prefer to use iPads can open them. Those who prefer telephone banking, take out your cellphones to transfer your contributions to the church account.
The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly electrified as ALL the smart phones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker!
Final Blessing and Closing Announcements…
- This week’s ministry cell meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in and don’t miss out.
- Thursday’s Bible study will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don’t miss out.
- You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers.
God bless you and have nice day.
American Preferences: Church Or Beer
A study analyzing Twitter data paints the country by preference for two of its favorite pastimes: beer or church. The study, which was done by geography nerds at Floating Sheep, looks at all geo-tagged tweets from a one week period and extracts tweets containing the words “church” and/or “beer”.
At first glance the map looks as one might expect. The southeast United States glows red with the wholesome, while everyone living in New England, the Rust Belt and just about everyone west of Saint Louis chooses to attend to the the Church of the Almighty Brew. San Franciscans are most verbose in their beery prayers, followed closely by Boston. Which makes sense, because you’d have to be drunk to make it through a Boston winter or listen to a San Franciscan drone endlessly on about how progressive they are.
Upon closer inspection, however, there are a few anomalies. The entirety of the Washington Metro Area tweets piously, with the tiny exception of the District itself— which is populated by a hoard of drunken louts. Which is weird, because I always thought of the D.C. suburbs as soulless places filled with the legions of the damned. Speaking of which, almost all of Maryland goes in the church column, again with the exception of Baltimore.
Still, the whole D.C. area can take solace in not being Dallas, which won the dubious distinction as the “my tweets are holier than thous” twitter hub of the country with a whopping 178 church related tweets. One more reason to never move to Dallas.
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