The Gold Wrapping Paper

Gold Wrapping PaperOnce upon a time, there was a man who worked very hard just to keep food on the table for his family. This particular year a few days before Christmas, he punished his little five-year-old daughter after learning that she had used up the family’s only roll of expensive gold wrapping paper.

As money was tight, he became even more upset when on Christmas Eve he saw that the child had used all of the expensive gold paper to decorate one shoebox she had put under the Christmas tree. He also was concerned about where she had gotten money to buy what was in the shoebox.

Nevertheless, the next morning the little girl, filled with excitement, brought the gift box to her father and said, “This is for you, Daddy!”

As he opened the box, the father was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, now regretting how he had punished her.

But when he opened the shoebox, he found it was empty and again his anger flared. “Don’t you know, young lady,” he said harshly, “when you give someone a present, there’s supposed to be something inside the package!”

The little girl looked up at him with sad tears rolling from her eyes and whispered: “Daddy, it’s not empty. I blew kisses into it until it was all full.”

The father was crushed. He fell on his knees and put his arms around his precious little girl. He begged her to forgive him for his unnecessary anger.

An accident took the life of the child only a short time later. It is told that the father kept this little gold box by his bed for all the years of his life. Whenever he was discouraged or faced difficult problems, he would open the box, take out an imaginary kiss, and remember the love of this beautiful child who had put it there.

 

Random Riddle: 12-25-2015

Christmas and New Year’s Day occur exactly one week apart. So a New Year’s that occurs right after Christmas should be on the same day of the week. But in the year 2020 Christmas will occur on a Friday and New Year’s on a Wednesday.

Why is this?
 

Riddle

 

Joke Of The Day: Christmas

Rubber Chicken Q: What’s red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas? A: Sandy Claws.

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.

Q: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
A: She said “I could not work out what size her nose was!

Q: What was wrong with the boy’s brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track… all straight!

Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.

Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don’t know if they’re celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.

Do you know what it is like to put up fifteen hundred Christmas lights on the roof of a house? The kids are giving two to one I’m gonna come down the chimney before Santa Claus does.

Every Christmas pageant throughout the world has a scene showing Joseph leading Mary into Bethlehem on a donkey. Do you realize what would happen if the Republicans asked for equal time?

Sometimes I get the feelin that if Christmas, Father’s Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.

 

 

Santa’s New Contract

Santa's New Contract

Santa’s New Contract

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves, Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan.

As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to by my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls. However, there a few differences between our deliveries:

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: “These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.”

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit-can handy.

3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-ear’d, flyin’ coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.

4. You won’t hear “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen …” when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, “On Ernhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty.”

5. “Ho, ho, ho!” has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond, “I hear’d dat!”

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back Off,” The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is a Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy.

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as “Miracle on 34th Street” and “It’s a Wonderful Life” will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and “Smokey and the Bandit IV” featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like, “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” and Bing Crosby’s “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town,” This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be Mark Chestnut’s “Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox” and “Grandma Got Run’d Over by a Reindeer.”

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus,
Member of North American Fairies and Elves
Local 209
 

 

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