Tag: Chinese

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Mongolian VD

While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning and his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results..

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, ‘I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.’

The man looks a little perplexed and says, ‘Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.’

The doctor answers, ‘I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.’

The man screams in horror, ‘Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.’

The doctor replies, ‘Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.’

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, ‘Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.’

The guy says to the doctor, ‘Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!’

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. ‘Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!’

Oh, Thank God!’ the man replies.

‘Yes,’ says the Chinese doctor, ‘wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!’

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Ancient Chinese Torture

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a very old Chinese man with a long, grey beard.

“I’m lost,” said the man. “Can you put me up for the night?”

“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”

“Ok,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old given her father’s age, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal.

Remembering the old man’s warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, “Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”

“Well, that’s pretty pathetic,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the large rock, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: “Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.” In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, “Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost.”

Amusing

Husband Jumps in River to Escape His Nagging Wife


A funny true story with a happy ending.

A Chinese lorry driver jumped into a fast-flowing river because he couldn’t take his wife’s nagging anymore.

Zhou and his wife were on a ferry on the Yangtze River when it all became too much for him, reports the Chongqing Evening Post.

Members of the ship’s crew saw the man suddenly run out of his cabin with his hands covering his ears, and shouting: “I can’t stand it any longer.”

They initially thought he was suffering from an ear injury and went to help him but found he was unhurt.

“While we were still puzzling over the this, his wife ran up and continued nagging him,” said one crewmate.

“The husband covered his ears again and said: ‘I need a break’ before jumping over the side into the rushing river.

“We immediately found lamps to light up the water but found nobody. The possibility of survival can be zero.”

However, later that night, police found the man who had managed to swim more than a mile across across the broad river.

“I felt I was dying, but even that’s better than my wife’s nagging,” he reportedly told the police.

The couple were reunited the following morning at the local police station where Zhou’s wife promised to give up her habit of nagging him.

Source…

Amusing

Chinese Students Laugh in Geithner’s Face About His Economic Plans

Yes people… this is what it has come to. Meanwhile Congress believes every word The Tax Cheat says.

U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner on Monday reassured the Chinese government that its huge holdings of dollar assets are safe and reaffirmed his faith in a strong U.S. currency.

A major goal of Geithner’s maiden visit to China as Treasury chief is to allay concerns that Washington’s bulging budget deficit and ultra-loose monetary policy will fan inflation, undermining both the dollar and U.S. bonds.

China is the biggest foreign owner of U.S. Treasury bonds. U.S. data shows that it held $768 billion in Treasuries as of March, but some analysts believe China’s total U.S. dollar-denominated investments could be twice as high.

“Chinese assets are very safe,” Geithner said in response to a question after a speech at Peking University, where he studied Chinese as a student in the 1980s.

His answer drew loud laughter from his student audience, reflecting scepticism in China about the wisdom of a developing country accumulating a vast stockpile of foreign reserves instead of spending the money to raise living standards at home.

Read more…

Amusing

Thousands of Dolphins Block Somali Pirates


For years we have heard the Navy does have an official Marine Mammal Program. Maybe with the escalation of piracy in the Gulf of Aden region, our brilliant Commander in Chief, Barack Obama (D-Kenya), has implemented one of these programs as a defensive measure.

Thousands of dolphins blocked the suspected Somali pirate ships when they were trying to attack Chinese merchant ships passing the Gulf of Aden, the China Radio International reported on Monday.

The Chinese merchant ships escorted by a China’s fleet sailed on the Gulf of Aden when they met some suspected pirate ships. Thousands of dolphins suddenly leaped out of water between pirates and merchants when the pirate ships headed for the China’s.

The suspected pirates ships stopped and then turned away. The pirates could only lament their littleness befor the vast number of dolphins. The spectacular scene continued for a while.

Read more…

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