Tag: Chinese

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?”

“I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”

“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No, Chinese Jews.”

“Are you sure?” Al asked.

“I will check again, sir,” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.”

When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.”

“Are you really sure?” Al asked again.

“I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”

“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews.”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said “Hey baby, how about playing Weeweechu.”

“Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon” said Jung Lee.

“Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,” Huan Cho begged.

“But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon.”

“Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me.”

Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, “OK, we’ll play Weeweechu.”….

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and both sang….

“Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,

Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,

Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,

and a happy New Year.”

Amusing

Confucius on Sex

On sex, Confucius say…

Virginity like bubble: one prick, all gone.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

Man kicked in testicles left holding bag.

Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk.

Hole happy, whole body happy.

Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.

Don’t drink and park, accidents cause people.

Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.

State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.

Man who plays with self, pulls boner.

Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.

Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.

Man’s wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.

It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.

Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.

Man who suck woman’s tit make clean breast of things.

Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.

Man who lay girl on hillside is not on the level.

Man with athletic finger make broad jump.

Man who marries girl with no bust have right to feel low down.

Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.

Don’t sweat the petty stuff … and don’t pet the sweaty stuff.

Amusing

Confucius on Hygiene

On hygiene, Confucius say…

Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.

Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.

Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep sh*t.

A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

House without toilet is uncanny.

Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.

He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.

Man who stick foot in mouth get athlete’s tongue.

Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Grease monkey who go to bed without bathing wake up oily in the morning.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Amusing

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

E = English phrase
C = Chinese Interpretation

E: Are you harboring a fugitive?
C: Hu Yu Hai Ding?

E: See me A.S.A.P.
C: Kam Hia Nao

E: Stupid Man
C: Dam Gai

E: Small Horse
C: Tai Ni Po Ni

E: Your price is too high!!
C: No Bai Dam Ting!!

E: Did you go to the beach?
C: Wai Yu So Tan?

E: I bumped into a coffee table
C: I Bang Mai Ni

E: I think you need a facelift
C: Chin Tu Fat

E: It’s very dark in here
C: Wai So Dim

E: Has your flight been delayed?
C: Hao Long Wei Ting?

E: I thought you were on a diet
C: Wai Yu Man Ching?

E: This is a tow away zone
C: No Pah King

E: Do you know lyrics to the Macarena?
C: Wai Yu Sing Dam Song?

E: I got this for free
C: Ai No Pei

E: I am not guilty
C: Wai Hang Mi?

E: Please, stay a while longer
C: Wai Go Nao?

E: They have arrived
C: Hia Dei Kam

E: He’s cleaning his automobile
C: Wa Shing Ka

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